If Donald Trump actually wins the presidency (an event about as likely as me waking up tomorrow as Channing Tatum), I bet Cheryl Burke would find herself drafted into NASA as the pilot of the first manned mission to the Sun.

Recently my doctor recommended that I start checking my blood sugar, just to know where it’s at, so we bought a monitor and the little finger-stabby thing.

Can’t help it.

Me: If Kaley Cuoco showed up at our house, I’d have to leave with her.

I live in Kansas City, so I’m biased, gleefully so. I’ll happily agree that the Cardinals are awful.

I am reasonably sure that if I were swimming in the ocean and I saw a shark, I would crap myself immediately.

Well, it is softball season.

My own experience with “not prepared correctly”: meatloaf.

A buddy of mine let the cool guy in his dorm call him by the wrong name for two years.

When I first saw Travolta’s picture, I thought it was Patrick Warburton.

It won’t replace my fantasy of Tina Fey dressed up like a Playboy bunny, but it’s not bad, either.

How 2 Broke Girls stays on the air:

Bob Harper. Jillian Michaels’ husband.

I think it’s an American thing to assume all of Asia is one giant homogenized mass. I have a friend who is Chinese: he has told me about how people have told him...

Batman (1989). I watch it every few years, but I just can’t get into it. It’s a lot like Michael Keaton’s Batsuit: it looks good just standing there, but when it gets to the action, it’s stiff and slow.

My wife and I have a strict policy of not posting vacation stuff on social media until after the fact. Our house has been broken into before when we were out of town. Maybe I’m paranoid, but there are too many people out there who read “Look at my cool vacation pics!” as “we’re in another state / country / continent…

“Look at me! Look At Me! LOOK AT ME!!!!!”

My sister told me once about a wedding she went to. The bridesmaids' dresses were sheer, gauzy white, and the front of the church had huge windows filled with sunset. According to her, you could see every detail of those poor girls' underwear, right down to the labels.

Best reason to love the Will Ferrell Land of the Lost: factual information.

(My wife and I were watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians)