Congratulations, at long last, to a single man for finally becoming adequate.

The socks you wear the most often are “regular socks”. You’re both right.

Obviously, because breakfast food is the best food.

+1 for ATHF reference

Fantastic! Now just let this iterate for a few decades, and we’ll get real-life Rocket League!

Amazon’s saying it’s unavailable.

Amazon’s saying it’s unavailable.

I’m an under-35 guy who’s influenced by sales staff. When the sales staff tries to talk to me, I get nervous and leave the store.

I delivered pizza for years in Colorado*, and actually looked forward to snowy days, for a few reasons.
- Some people actually did tip significantly better than normal
- The plows did a good job on the main streets, so most of the time I wasn’t on a lot of snow
- Less traffic made it easier to get around town
- When I got…

...breaks his/her leg, needs surgery for a slipped disc, DIES

Don’t be so hard on yourself.

I think dying in your sleep as a grandparent counts among the best possible death scenarios.

Mike Shula, who is apparently now a head coaching candidate because of Carolina’s unblemished record … DO NOT HIRE THIS MAN

A truer truth has never been truthed.

This bear’s playing the long game. Let the idiot make his video. All the other idiots will see the video, and try to splash other bears.
Boom! 1,000 easy bear meals.

When I make a ham and cheese sandwich, I use the cheese to spread the mayo on the bread instead of a knife.

It’s a corset!

Chocolate ice cream is garbage, and should be replaced by something better, like being mauled by a bear.

Sorry, I opened the article, got distracted by work for a couple hours, then replied, not seeing the dozen other replies about the bedroom towel.

Anyway, I really recommend you try hanging out in a nice dry climate, like Colorado. In place of the hand-squeegee, I do a quick dog-shake, half-ass toweling my hair (or…

Bedroom towel? Please elaborate so we can decide if you’re insane or a genius.

He’s taken one too many shots to the head.