100% chance* that land is made of aliens.

*I may have failed statistics once

My phone is broken because I charge it on my nightstand.

Deal, as long as the $1 goes straight into the bartender’s pocket, but I’m probably going to sit around and watch the rest of the hockey game.

On the rocks, please. Something nice. Stranahan’s if you’ve got it. No problem with minimum $2 tip on any drink (except bottled/can beer, that’s $1 tip).

Do I have to get the overpriced special drink, or can I just get a whiskey?

Sure, but by buying these cubes of condensed pollution, you’re funding the creation of more air purifiers, so more pollution gets pulled out of the air.

From what I understand here, the dust is basically just powdered coal.

Edit: which means that those cubes are like physical carbon credits. Neat!

We know that’s you, Curt. This is not an acceptable outlet.

Yeah, but every few years maybe you think “Hmm...an O’Doul’s actually doesn’t sound too bad right now”

Why you gotta bust my balls?

fuba-fuba-fuba-fuba-fuba-fuba-fuba-fuba-fuba-fuba-fuba-fuba
(the sound of driving over cobblestones)

Having good cardiovascular health helps with a function that revolves around blood flow. Got it.

It’s a city comprised solely of chain-smoking, playdough humanoids who smoke Marlboro reds and pound Natty Ice.

Just make your own. Plus, then you can drink all the beer you want, because you’re already at home!

(Bake a potato. Cut in half. Scoop out into bowl, mix in whatever you want (bacon, cheese, onion, bacon, sour cream), cram everything back into empty potato husks, then bake it again)

While this is pretty awesome, know that ping times are going to be pretty high with any satellite internet connection.

I’m pretty sure steve didn’t read it...

In life, you need to give either fucks or monies. The more monies, the fewer fucks you have to give.

Fair enough. I’d probably be the guy who everyone waits to leave before all the sex happens.

Inventing a generator that runs off CO2 and emits oxygen.

Maybe some kind of giant flying plant that can slurp CO2 out of the atmosphere while using leafs for wings and expel O2 out the back for propulsion.

It could start out small, using the excess carbon to grow itself, until there’s a city-sized plant constantly…