I dunno. I once got crabs in a motel in Arizona.

Simmer down now, kid.

It’s a “contrail” you fucking mouthbreather.

I’ve heard of chemtrails controlling our minds, but now they’re trying to give us the clap too.

If this was an Air Force pilot, one could argue he was merely living up to the USAF fight song. You know...

+1

Let’s check in with them now.

Lebron James & Derrick Rose?

I dunno about you guys, but I’m going with the two teammates that have won MVPs.

When should we expect Deadspin’s formal retraction regarding Robert Covington?

Should Gronk be threatened by this? I want to say there’s room for two here.

We’ve got Jerry Jones, Roger Goodell, NFL Owners, Papa John, and Donald Trump all involved in this nonsense.

Are there any another awful, old white men out there to become involved?

Is this going to connect to Donald Sterling somehow? Silvio Berlusconi?

I’m glad she finally figured it out.

Wasn’t all of this basically Louis’s, from Revenge of the Nerds, theory. Spelled out after he raped the cheerleader on the bouncing moon ride, while pretending to be Ted McGinley.

20 minutes?! What are you? Some kind of atomic powered sex machine?

I’m all for creative license, KinjaNinja, but this premise goes way too far!

Here are a few words that rhyme with Kyle: bile, vile, butt-dial, smile, senile, juvenile, pedophile...

It will rise again...just give it like 20 minutes.

Last night in bed, I told my wife that just like a phoenix rises from the ashes, my penis would rise again. She laughed at me and went back to surfing on her iPhone.

I was practicing some cheers for the upcoming school year with a couple of my neighbors just for fun.