Most “classic lit” e-books are free anyway.

As a graphic designer, I can say that nearly 100% of the time I’m given criticism over a design, I can—and do—make it much better.

I’m going to assume former NFL kicker Ali Haji-Sheikh, too, but that may also be profiling.

I think she drew it! And I really like it, too.

Dad: “What’s that on your face?” Years later, I found out he said the same to my sisters. We laugh about it now, but a pimply teenager doesn’t need to hear that shit.

(Disclosure: My dad was a great guy, despite being clueless about having four daughters.)

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! While I love reading the horror stories, the ones like these make me so happy. I was a waitress years ago, and believe everyone should have at least one shitty retail and/or food service job. You learn so much about humanity—and yourself. I believe these folks when they say these “good…

Don’t shrimp spend their entire lives being brined? What do the extra few minutes of salt do for them?

Fewer styles of shoes, maybe, but probably more shoes. But yes, it is amazing—and wonderful.

A few minutes after the group left, my regular customer got up to leave. On his way out the door, he let me know that he watched the two women wrap up all three of the half-eaten burgers and put them in the kid’s meal bags. They also split one of the remakes between them and put the other two remakes in the bags with…

A few years ago, I squirted some red Mio water flavoring on a white t-shirt and went as a bleeding-heart liberal. I knew there’d be a lot of conservative friends there, and it was a big hit because they know that I am, indeed, a bleeding-heart liberal.

As long as you’ve got long enough hair.

My husband and I are white and live in Virginia. I don’t remember having to prove to the hospital that we are U.S. citizens when my children were born.

Not to make light of the awful things he’s done, but he should have lost those degrees just for showing up for his “performances” dressed like a slob.

Yeah, all they’re doing is rounding that to 2000: Double the number and add three zeros actually sounds more complicated.

As the designer and editor of an in-house newsletter, my main goal was to get people to read it on the toilet. Every time someone told me he found a copy of the newsletter in the mens’ room, I was thrilled.

The best way to wear a fragrance? JUST DON’T.

I was going to say this same thing. The distance:time ratio is the important thing.

I can’t stress enough how wonderful it is to hire house cleaners.

All of this. Thank you.

This is Internet conversation at its best: Commenter cries foul, asks questions; replies explain, answering said questions calmly and factually; commenter says “gotcha.” Everyone goes home happy. Thank you.