Well, on the plus side, the cops finally had an opportunity to show off the stash seized from notorious drug dealer Oscar "the Grouch" Cortez.

Lawrence Taylor Jr.: [attempts to have sex with MLB]

Wendy Peffercorn today, for comparison:

Here's Michael Wolf of MMQB.com, in a follow-up email from a few minutes ago:

QB: Underdog

Quarterback: Boxer

Actually, I suddenly have the urge to watch every Whitesnake video ever made.

Did you notice Charlie Sheen photobombing?

♫ I'm gonna pop some tags
Only got twenty dollars in my pocket
I - I - I'm hunting, looking for a come-up
This is... you want twenty for that? Really? Do you have a Glen Rice, or a Payton? At least those are a little funny. No? Okay, just gimme, like, 5 car flags. ♫

Marlins games being televised?

I don't think I've ever heard so much pissing and moaning and puling about a little heat. One wonders how we survived the fifties and sixties without air conditioned homes or vehicles. And yes, it got just as hot back then. As for Texas, the two weeks we used to spend there every summer taught me a thing. Once the…

Watched it live and literally jumped. Best play I've seen this year, period.

Obviously an enormous talent for statistics, especially in nuanced scenarios like election forecasting. A pretty decent writer. Not that great on tv.

Sharp blows to the chest can induce ventricular fibrillation in young children. I am a respiratory therapist and at the last peds hospital I worked, the medical staff was unsuccessful in resuscitating a 14 y/o who was struck in the chest by a line drive. There was no structural damage to his chest, no pneumothorax…

Reversed Tom Rinaldi laugh is creepy as all hell. Don't fuck around with this guy.

Because of all the cutbacks at ESPN, they were forced to repurpose The Budweiser Hot Seat.

For the lifetime achievement category.