Masturbation is the new heroin? I'd love to see the look on his face if someone touched him, then whispered "I just touched myself." in his ear. Either way I thought this video was hilarious, but really wish it was satire.

Sounds like our facebook feeds run on the same cycle. Next, will be the jello molded unborn fetuses circulating. Then, back to animal memes.

Yes. No one wants that to come full term. Even the fundies. No one.

Hey. Heeey. as a hillbilly from the hillbilly-esque region, we are a bit better than rating association with santorum. Our people have a thing for goats!

Well now what am I supposed to enjoy in the morning, for my breakfast of champions if I can't enjoy a daily dose of fetus? Sigh. I already left one fetus hanging around too long and ended up keeping it. Now it cries if you poke it with a fork.

My son decided to wrap his around before I even came close to going into labor. I was sent on into the hospital for induction, and while being monitored next thing you know, heart rate dropped. We discussed with my doctor about doing a C-section planned, because I was high risk anyway. Personally I think he was just…

And hope that by the age of 5, she doesn't realize she can summon Odin and play "pony!" during family fun time.

I do wonder though, if knife would be appropriate in the future.

Well, you know what I think about all this...wait, wait. What's that? HEY! There's a gay couple somewhere getting married, and it's ruining my marriage and future retirement!!! I'll be back.

Gah! I've just now managed to feed my newborn, hold a kindle, and not drop him, all at the same time. Though I did hit his head on a door. Nice start for the spawn. You mean to tell me there's more I'm going to have to do?!

No problem. I've lurked here forever, and finally decided to join. I think the only bad thing is my fat roll is now split in to two. And Mr. Water taking two weeks off is great! My husband could only take a week, but still it made a huge difference. And, I used it to my full advantage.

I'm pretty new here, but I AM new to the whole birthing a spawn thing. I just recently went through it. While mine wasn't breech or anything, I was quite high risk with gestational diabetes, and hypertension. And, like you, being overweight and such. I didn't even gain weight during my pregnancy.

Well I can tell you, as a new mother of a 1 month old who's lucky to have survived me, nap when they nap. Trust me! My husband works about the same hours so it's just me and him most of the time. Now to get him to month two.

I just so read that in Don LaFontaine's voice...Which made it even more grand.

I'm going on four weeks of bleeding, AFTER giving birth (by C-section, which makes me lose a point in woman-ess I think) so There's extra woman essence around someone can use!

It is! looks like we're all coming out of the woodwork.

Yup. Another here who's lurked for years, that's resolved to finally join in the ragtag barrels of fun here on Jezebel. and 40 minutes before midnight!