I'm trying to look high and young and cool, but I'm in my 30s.

I'm watching you as you sleep.

You got me there.

Oh yeah, the night before when we were using my pals Apple TV to stream all these videos in his living room, totally had a discussion about how the blondish dude and mustache dude totally have a side-thing and how the other guy has no idea.

My friend and I had a "Daddy" party on Father's Day at this gay bar in our neighborhood and had a bunch of the Crystal Light National Aerobic Championship videos projected around the bar. My favorite was the Devo one. Look at those high kicks!

His mother Gloria Loring wrote and sang on this 80's gem. Creepy, neediness masked with really cheesy lyrics is something that runs in abundance in the Thicke household. On another note all this Ask Thicke got me Youtubing Alan's old talk show "Thicke of the Night", Alan Thicke was one of the worst interviewers ever.…

Dig that. Again fuck them.

It drives me way more crazy than I'm willing to admit. I just want Tim Howard to sit between some digital goalposts and swat away every Greg Howard attempt at sounding British. What drives me even more crazy is how much I really like Greg's work, besides that one bizarre, obnoxious affectation.

Let's count how many times Deadspin uses 'have' when referring to sports other than soccer. I'm gonna guess zero.

That was absolutely, utterly, horribly hilarious.

I think there are lots of Americans who genuinely enjoy the sport and support their clubs wholeheartedly, it's just that due to soccer's marginalized presence in the US, there's gonna be hipsters. I wonder if there are annoying American football fans in Europe who do the same type of thing.

HA, yes, left myself open on that one. My greater point was that British language customs pluralize "FIFA" but American language customs do not. You can find this in any British publication vs. American publication.

You seriously think anyone in their right mind could get "Syracuse have to play better defense" past a copy editor? Well, you're wrong, I'm sorry.

Except, if you were to say Utah instead of "the jazz", you would say has, not have. This is because you have removed "the". If I say "Utah have to get over their obsession" I am wrong. If I say "The Utah Jazz have to get over there obsession" I am right.

No no no no please stop you're hurting America

He's dead on about the "have/has" thing.

And if Keith Fucking Olbermann is calling you pretentious, it's time to take a hard look in the mirror.

God, Olbermann is a pretentious asshole, but this rant is great. Especially when he tells Deadspin writers to quit using "Belgium have" rather than "Belgium has."

A single tear of joy ran down my cheek when he said "stop with the... Belgium have when correct American grammar is Belgium has. It's not being in the know, it's pretentious."

Honestly, #3 is a pretty big factor for me. I would consider myself a somewhere above casual, but not hardcore soccer fan, possibly due to the sport's lack of exposure here in the states, and nothing is more irritating to me than having a casual conversation with a friend about soccer when someone comes up and snorts,…