Now who will old, white sportswriters fellate? I have a theory that Urlacher was only as popular as he was because he reminded old white guys of the days when slow-footed caucasian LBs like Butkus and Nitchke roamed the gridiron.

I am currently penning a steamy tome about the unhinged love affair between Sarah Palin and Vladimir Putin. The action begins when Palin decides to go fishing wearing only her American flag Crocs. Her line suddenly becomes as taut and unyielding as her thigh muscles and her stance on illegal immigration. She strains…

Maersk's first company started in 1904; Gulf's in 1901. Along the way both may have purchased or merged with older firms. Perhaps you are considering the present Gulf unconnected to the company that merged with Chevron in 1983 (although it is, having grown from subsidiaries that became independent and purchased rights…