Hopefully it’ll be something quick, like:

He won’t write a letter; he’ll just tweet.

I read those articles and I have no wish to make you feel bad or invalidated. But not everything needs a label. Not being attracted to most people based solely on physical beauty is not, in my opinion, a particularly unusual or distinct trait and bears zero resemblance with the LGBTQ community.

I agree, or I was thinking that he’s actually involved with someone and didn’t consider kissing her in a bowling alley to be cheating, but actually going out on a date or pursuing a relationship would be cheating.

Your sister probably wants your parents to have a better relationship with her and, in a likely unconscious way, thinks cultivating a relationship with the grandkids is a way to achieve that (it’s not). It sounds like you processed the relationship differently. I’m in a somewhat similar boat with my siblings and our…

I think that’s probably true for “typical” parenting, but when you have a genuinely fucked-up individual (a narcissist and addict in my case) with bonafide problems that have never been adequately addressed, that formula doesn’t really hold up.

And their flag. They made a flag.

Your relationships with your grandparents don’t seem to follow the usual pattern, but, in general, kids and grandparents often have a special bond because they have a mutual opponent, the parents. Grandparents tend to be indulgent of their grandkids in ways they weren’t with their own children, and much less critical.…

“Demisexual: A person who does not experience sexual attraction based on physical characteristics, but may develop sexual attractions based on an emotional or mental connection with another person.”

You know, that could be part of it. I never thought of it like that.

I think your sister’s desire to have her kids form a relationship with their grandparents stems from her own desire for a ‘normal’ relationship with them.

true true! but (usually) even if you don’t care about dating them but it’s still agonizing not to get that text back from a potential bone-interest!

Thanks for responding - after I posted, I realized I sounded more strident than I meant to be. It’s a little bit personal for me, because my sister has this attitude toward our parents (“I want my kids to have a relationship with their grandparents”), and I don’t understand it at all. She flagellates herself in order…

Agreed. I guess L.L. did say she doesn’t care about dating him...but it should be made clear to her he’s just really not that interested in her, whether they go on to bone or not.

“We never bonded emotionally, due to the superficiality of our connection, and most of my recollections of them are feelings of awkwardness - feeling like I should be closer, because grandparents, but not feeling close because of the distance my folks cultivated on purpose.”

Parental alienation is considered ABUSE. If she can get proof via text or voicemail she can use it to gain custody. I would recommend saving any crazy messages and also baiting him to admit it in text.

This. Most custody agreements include standard language prohibiting one parent from trying to alienate the kid from the other parent.

True. But She’s a mother who essentially has a single income household she may not be able to afford an attorney. And even if she can she may not be able to afford all those calls.

I figure that’s some part of it too, but what he’s doing with her daughter is toxic and has the potential to escalate. With his inability to hold a job and her seeming to continually kill it, I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest if his bad-mouthing turns to verbal abuse of the mom or both of them - which then…

Jane is incorrect that there is nothing you can do about the badmouthing of you to your daughter. Some states codify protections against this specific behavior (there is a term for it in the family law world, which escapes me at the moment) because it is extremely harmful to kids. SPEAK UP. Make sure your attorney…