Evidence #4799301 that demonstrates basic upgrade to an offensive line can do wonders for an offense.

Can’t we just be happy that we found an American teenager who isn’t fat?

is the NCAA the most asinine organization in the history of the world?

These fucking millennials should be happy to have a free education.

The NCAA is about helping the athletes, which is why they discourage teenagers from starting their own businesses and exercising their entreprenurial/marketing spirit. Duh.

To pick a year at random, all of the following made at least six starts in 1998: Tony Banks, Trent Dilfer, Steve Beuerlein, Chris Chandler, Charlie Batch, Kerry Collins, Danny Kanell, Erik Kramer, Craig Whelihan, Donald Hollis, Bobby Hoying, Steve Stenstrom, Ryan Leaf, Kent Graham, Elvis Grbac, Jeff George, and Rob…

You ever been to a Turkish prison?

People who criminally batter other people need to be incarcerated for substantial periods of time. Without exception. It’s puzzling that this requires explanation.

‘Ayden’

“I’m trying to help you. I’m trying to help you.”

Christ what did they do to the forger?

One of the first things you learn in Contracts class in your first year of law school (at least in Texas) is that the disclaimers on the back of a ticket aren’t iron-clad. Just because a dry cleaner puts up a sign saying they’re not responsible for lost items doesn’t excuse them from exercising reasonable effort to…

I insist A) that Pluto is a planet, and B) that Uranus’s unfortunate name is canceled out by its cool sideways-ness and by how it is usually rendered in a sinister greenish color.

Kick It Out called it “offensive and discriminatory” and said “racist stereotypes are never acceptable, irrespective of any intention to show support for a player,” per the BBC.

I would start by throwing out the Chris Conte jersey and taking a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself: “WHY THE FUCK DID I BUY A CHRIS CONTE JERSEY!?!?”

As a former teenage boy, let me be as direct as possible without unnecessary detail: You want young men masturbating. At home, in privacy, of course. On the macro level, when they are not, you get very bad results.

*sigh*

“You can’t really dust for vomit.”

“...the football fan covered in barf won.”

Sometimes I worry about the future, then I read stories like this and I’m all, “Yeah, no, I’ll never lack for work.”