Looks like I picked the wrong right season to quit the Bears.

He’s still head and shoulders above the other QBs on the roster.

I think it’s pathetic how people create these silly drinking games. Be it beer pong, flip cup, cards, you name it. Just juvenile. Drinking is supposed to be done alone, from the bottle, in your darkened living room.

was supposed to be supervising the party

Maybe you’re right. I should have suggested that Loomis would give Will Smith a shot.

This is quality, passive-aggressive shade. Well done.

I love these articles but being a Patriots fan it’s always such a bummer having to wait so long for you guys to get to them.

What’s the difference between a golden delicious apple and a dead baby?

In other words, you’re just better off dying in the blast.

Backin the 1960s, when I was serving on U.S. Navy ships, there was a doctrine on what to do if a nuclear weapon exploded near your ship. The steps to take included spreading your legs and bending your knees while holding on to something solid. The stated reason for this procedure was to help your legs act as shock…

Step #1 Insert firearm into your mouth

I had to worry about this stuff when I was a kid. No kids should have to deal with those feelings now, but thanks to a stupid percentage of the population of the US, they do.

It’s cool to see an older player still developing his game this late in his career. The Kings knew they were signing a great rebounder and post scorer, but now they’re getting a distributor too.

63 Earths can fit in Uranus.

All kidding aside, it’s just a matter of time until an NFL player is comfortable letting eveyone know they’re dealing with a bulging dick in their lower back.

I remember my first bulging dick issue as I sat at my desk in 6th grade, preventing me from standing up.

last words? I wish. We hear that every day of our lives from that man.

“Believe me.”

You’ll fit right in here on the staff of Deadspin!

I know this post is not serious, but here’s a little background.