I really fucking hate you for that "piggies" thing.

Wow. You sound as shitty as some of the customers.

A few thoughts:

I’m sure that everyone who had a hissy fit over Elizabeth Warren’s Native American background will also freak out about this.

Ugh, you're one of these. I've met a few of you in my life. Never a fun experience.

Thank you. The only people worse that people who love Full House are people who love Boy Meets World.

She got to fuck Dolph Ziggler and I’m oddly jealous of that fact.

To be fair, the only people who had a problem about it were the dykes.

I like the term “sleigh loads”

Yeah, don’t you hate when they judge you because of your gender? Oh wait...

Mamma Mia. So implausible.

Ditto Celine Dion.

I want to like him, but I get SUCH a dickhead vibe from him. He got into some big fight at a baseball game over some stupid bro-ish "disrespect" issue.

Howard's wig is awful. He needs to just get rid of it.

You found out you were pregnant and then ran for the cigarettes? What a shit.

Me? I simply realized that I was at my parents’ wedding...inside my mother.

You think that only women should be allowed to decide when to have children?