I feel like this is a joke post but just in case it isn't...

Oops, wrong person!

You're taking this way too seriously and I love it.

I'm dying. I love this but what I love more are the people taking it so seriously. LOVE ALL AROUND.

When was Jezebel ever anything but a gossipy blog that really wanted to be taken seriously?

Me had.

You chose two examples that are not actually heels.

I'm going through Metroid games for the first time right now and I can't wait to get to this one just to see how it got everyone's panties so bunched-up.

I know I'm perfect, thanks babe.

It's perfect that you post on Jezebel. Absolutely perfect.

Why do perfectly cute guys have to do that to themselves with the hair and the beard and the awfulness?

I feed on his rage.

This poor buddy needs to whizz :(

Reusing this here.

I love that you're so defensive right now.

Old people bash new stuff. It's the thing they do.

He's just at the circus.

There's no way he could keep it in by doing that.

HAHA you're not really this mad that someone doesn't like soccer, right?

I'm at a full-time, masters-required job and I have shit to do...but this story and the comments take precedence. #whatreallymatters