Opiates, my dear, have a useful, legal, life-saving purpose at their heart.  It’s the perversities of income inequality and chronic underemployment and overprescribing since it’s cheaper than physical therapy or rehab that has turned them into  scourge.  Two different animals.

Rick Santorum feels that the Walmart in Texas was targeted by the gunman because it was a “soft target” with no armed citizens to defend everyone.

That’s because that entire political party’s mantra is “I don’t give a fuck about anyone else but myself”.

You know this. I know this. Should it be this hard for a moron with a red hat to figure out?

Whatabout, whatabout, whatabout.

Don’t “both sides” this shit. One of the two parties is actively obstructing anything resembling progress on these issues.

Republican voters don’t care either.

“If you fail, it will be a massacre Tuesday.”

Dogs make eye contact when they shit because they know they’re at their most vulnerable then. So, he was more scared of you than you were of him.

Can confirm, I once saw a guy ass naked just strokin’ on the corner of Oakdale and Broadway, in the middle of the damn day. People just crossed the street and did nothing.

I think I could get further in the city naked rather than in the suburbs. There’s like 30 people shot in Chicago every day, car jackings, muggings, other naked crazies furiously swinging their dick back and forth so it hits their thighs making a slapping noise, for them to worry about you. You get a somewhat crowded…

I appreciate that he answered with a very solid crime and also had no idea what the Purge was.

My brother in law is a Jets fan.  Talk about a guy who makes poor life choices. 

So then why do you keep getting fired?

Tragically, by beginning this earnest question with “what what,” most of your responses will be jokes about Jimmy Two Times.

I was tempted to give it the benefit of the doubt because I once got a blowjob in the parking lot of the Rooster T Feathers comedy club, but then I realized Rooster T Feathers is in Sunnyvale, not Santa Clara.

I have had my illusions shattered many times in my life, and always believe that I have none left, until more are subsequently shattered by some other scandal or boondoggle or catastrophe.