He paints with words

I'm thinking something with a more Capt Crunch aesthetic.

I was told this material would not be on the test today.

Even with the servile dermatologists and thrice-divorced yacht ghouls and buttery finance lordlings that crowd his social orbit and pay to belong to Trump’s clubs, there are still some latent traces of dirt under their fingernails—these people have to work to make the money to pay those dues, even if that work…

So, at his next rally he’ll be wearing a sash and a bunch of medals, right?

“This” is a weird spelling of Ivanka.

I’ll take the overly critical music critic wankery over the “Nothing is ever bad, this music helped me get through not getting invited to Senior Prom” navel gazey thinkpiece bullshit that replaced it.

As an American, I’ll never forget how funny I found it when they voted for something so incredibly stupid, and I’ll also never forget how much comeuppance I got for that laughing just a few months later when we blew that out of the water.

Okay, Lance.

One of my favorite stories is the time I was stopped at a red light (on my bike) when an asshole flies past me on his bike, cursing at me, only to slam into the side of a bus in the middle of the intersection.

Yeah, there’s no way he’d “rather be working on the Mayor Pete Presidential campaign” He’s one Twitter account away from Chuck Woolery.

I really don't see your silly "foon" idea catching on

What if - hear me out - we had a utensil that combined the scooping ability of a spoon with the stabbing ability of a fork? I don’t know what we’ll call it but there’s probably a portmanteau that will work.

Pedestrians are never in danger of injuring themselves while walking around, 

Online reviews - when did they become fucking Facebook status updates? I was in the market for a rain jacket on Amazon a while back and one review was 3 paragraphs on this asshole’s fishing trip to the upper Kenai pennisula, he didn’t even mention the jacket until the last sentence.

They’re also incredibly snobbish about bike frames, bike parts, and they thumb their nose if you make the fatal mistake of being in conversation with one of them and disclosing your bike is just a regular bike you got from a store and not a Frankenstein you put together yourself with the best parts ebay has to offer.…

The answer in the cars/bikes/pedestrians argument of “who’s the d-bag?” is: everyone. Every single one of those groups, in general, assumes they’re entitled to about 10% more of the road/path than they really are, and they all fuck up in different ways:

Office bathroom rule

he is a small, angry Trumper.  No way he’s even allowed to look at her old Playboy pics

Having seen a taping of WoF years ago (it absolutely sucked shit) I can say they 100% never fucked. Even as a teenager the fact that she barely tolerates him was palpable. Having to sit through his shit for three episodes, I can see why. Pat sucks.