What's the point of changing your name on Facebook? So maybe you get a few media inquiries you refer elsewhere, so what?

Brilliant.

Give this girl a job at Deadspin!

Seriously, she's fucking hilarious.

Looking at my music library, I think D is the best for variety and general awesomeness. Your rap collection is solid with the inclusion of DJs Everyone, plus Dr. Dre, Dr. Octagon and DMX (if you're an idiot who likes terrible rap). Destiny's Child provides the hot-girls-dancing quotient. You get a great punk…

Yeah, this was a strong punch in the gut.

Shit, that's hardly better. Smashing them one at a time with the rock would be instant death if you did it right.

Indeed.

When you read old books about farm life like "The Grapes of Wrath", they sometimes casually mention drowning kittens, piglets, puppies, etc. when they can't care for them. To me that sounds like the most disturbing way to put down adorable baby animals - I would much rather smash them with a big-ass rock. Holding them…

Underrated: brussels sprouts. Cut them in half, microwave for 3 min, toss them in brown mustard and olive oil, skewer and grill. Delicious.

I like how you think. College fucking is some pretty darned awesome fucking.

Isn't that a total myth? If your body can clean itself, how do you explain homeless smell?

Everything I've read about that injury focused on the lifesaving medical aftermath, but yeah, I hadn't heard as much about the broadcast handling of this.

I will freely admit that smartness matters a great deal in my evaluation of hotness.

Shit, I would objectify the shit out of myself in a magazine if given the chance. (Though I'm a dude.)

Well the idea that "sexy" is a stand-alone quality is stupid - if you put two women side by side in front of me, but one is notably more intelligent than the other, then I will find the intelligent one to be far more sexually attractive. So yeah, to your point, many of us men are emphatically not turned off when we…

What happened to your appearance on "Chopped"?

Well, it's not really followed, but if you believe your client is guilty and the client wants you to argue that they're not, ethics says you should step down as that person's lawyer.

Excellent question. I usually go for the one earbud in an uncertain situation, but the half-stereo sound is the worst.

Is the Jodi Arias trial arousing, or more of a boner-killer? On the one hand, graphic sexual detail about porn-like acts that you can read at work! On the other, she's not all that cute and will stab you 27 times.

Yeah, no. I spend way too long in there walking up and down the aisles looking at flange joints and trying to figure out what they do, then congratulating myself if I do know. "Oh yeah, that's your basic toilet flapper. Gotta have a proper seal in that tank. I'm Bob Vila for 'This Old House'."