I once went up to a girl at a club and said "Hey, do you want to dance?" and she laughed, then said "Well you didn't have to actually ask!" and started grinding on me for the next song.

It was all throughout the week (maybe both weeks?) ahead of the Super Bowl. They must have done at least two per night to get through that many of them.

Yep, was wondering when he'd get a mention. Ironically he's mostly remembered for falling down some stairs in a very un-athletic way.

NFL Network showed all the SB recaps in order. They're just hogging all the great NFL Films archive stuff for themselves.

Mike Milbury sucked at playing, managing, and announcing, yet somehow he got jobs doing all three of those things.

Boomer's the only analyst I'd keep. Otherwise you're spot on.

You're exactly right, but I'm surprised they don't realize they could be making mountain of money + reduced cost of useless analysts. You could do a highlight show with just Boomer Esiason and Rich Eisen and it'd be ten times better AND cheaper to produce.

I'm counting the collective criminality of the entire Cincinnati Bengals franchise as No. 2.

"He's not telling us how we should feel about religion."

Love this gif so much.

Cool, send us a link so we can mock it!

I had the same confusion. I'm going with stupid, whiny, stupid and stupid.

Dude, you have a serious problem if "this post" makes you angry. You buy into Kinja way too much dude. At the end of the day, the man writes comments on a website. If you hate seeing these posts on Deadspin so much you're a hypocrite for reading in the first place. Get over it.

Roethlisberger isn't as good at the Jesus stuff. He tries to break it out in interviews after his "incident", but he just can't sell it with the same level of shamelessness as Lewis.

Oh, well that makes it much better. Glad to know that time I threw my friend's warm gun into the lake for him was totally normal.

I have firsthand experience in not obstructing justice in a murder case, not fathering six kids out of wedlock and not becoming pro sports' most vocal Jesus freak after I do all of those things. So by your criteria I have every right to say Lewis is a shithead.

Yep.

None of them were married to him, so the reality is even worse than you described.

I wish ESPN ran this post in the ticker every time there's a story about Ray Lewis.

He threw away his suit! That's discarded evidence in a murder case! How the hell is that not participating?