What. The. Fuck.

He IS Trump’s nemesis BECAUSE he’s so much richer than Trump. He’s a legit billionaire. Trump is not. Trump is jealous of anyone with more money than him. Trump is jealous of Bezos, has always been jealous of Bezos, and he’s brought up x-million different ways he wants to punish Amazon and the Washington Post purely…

Considering Bezos Trumps nemesis is an insult to him and giving Trump way to much credit. Trump is rich because his daddy bought real estate in a market that would grow to be the most profitable in the world. His Dad was either really smart or really lucky. Trump has done nothing to grow that wealth other then not be…

Text to my husband this morning: “I think the dog is dying can u come home”

Why is it the commentariat picked up on this but the editors of Jezebel, didn’t?

Buried the lede & missed the point by a mile. This is NOT about Bezos’s excruciatingly-sweet love texts— this is about Donald Trump using his National Enquirer to publicly embarrass his financial nemesis.

NE has been *very* friendly with Trump, who is not at all friendly with Bezos — is this part of a proxy war between feuding billionaires

Yeah as soon as I saw “National Enquirer” I suspected petty politicking at play.

“hos texts”

Re: Bezos:

“Show me your gold box special, gurl”

I have had the unfortunate occasion to listen to a drunken answering machine message I left to a young lady while i was walking home from the bar one night. (I used a payphone to call, it was in the 2000s!)

Also, I’m kind of inspired, I mean, how old is he? To meet and connect with someone who makes you feel like writing these wonderfully heartfelt clumsy corny things is so hard. The fact that he was still married aside, I’m happy for him?! And impressed with anyone who lets themselves be vulnerable—a hearty clap on…

Seriously. And if it were Chris Pine texting, “I want to smell you, I want to breathe you in. I want to hold you tight.… I want to kiss your lips…. I love you. I am in love with you.” We would all be swooning.

To be fair, it sounds like an in joke between the two of them and therefore inexplicable and slightly embarrassing to the rest of us

I’ve gone back and read sexy or lovely dovey texts that I’ve written to an ex and I sounded like such an idiot.

So are these technically “Dirty Sanchez” texts?

I love you so much I choose 1 day delivery.

While “I love you alive” is definitely an odd thing to say, i think ALL sexts in just plain written form are going to be cringeworthy. Whenever you read someone elses sexts its the least sexy thing on the planet, but when you’re alone at night, tipsy, horny, and giddy with anticipation suddenly those sexts are…

It’s interesting when viewed from a Trump/WaPo perspective that the Enquirer suddenly has text messages from Bezos to his mistress.