Ted Cruz touches himself to this map.

I would've gone with reheated baked ziti.

Machado was able to leave the field under his own power.

And only two outs away from stretching. Unfortunate.

Just can't let a Brady Quinn post go without this:

Kelly got some big 'ol tittays

Florida State Semenholes

Tums, Aspirin and Herpes meds. Shes a professional drinker and I'm in love.

Penn State Nittany Loins

But coach, I tried hard...

I thought this was gonna be an R. Kelly thing. I am all the sads.

Unsurprisingly, none of the ladies in the bar were willing to give him their digits.

Luckily for the Raiders, Jones escaped without injury. However, McFadden later separated his shoulder blowing out his birthday candles.

When questioned this morning, Lamar Odom refused to stop using slurs.

Wow big mistake by the police on this one, look for him to get off if he hires competent council. They need probable cause to stop a motorist and not only was he obeying the speed limit, it's not probable that he was driving like a snake, they have no hands.

God is pissed at the repeated utterance of "watch out for clowney".

Waddlers and Tiaras.

Jersey Shorn