"LONG BLACK OBJECT"

Singing on Wall St. they should have done the Dead Kennedy's version: "I Fought the Law and I Won".

Which one of you guys has the Favre dick pic saved on your computer in case it ever becomes relevant again?

Sorry Drew, but Die Hard should be the official Christmas movie.

I hope he kicks an ass or two in Sochi.

I would like a little more authenticity in this commercial too: A depressingly high number of returning veterans are un-employed, broke, and suffer from some kind of injury or mental illness but this guy looks like he is living the dream. This commercial is basically saying "hey remember that place that was so bad you…

So, the dude's Perfect Woman looks like a Drag Queen, and the gal's Perfect Woman looks like she has some sort of facial dysmorphology that squishes all the features in too close? Ok then.

They did eventually get it fixed before overtime. They hadn't been able to get the wrapping paper off the glass. I don't know why but I did search for an attempt to make a joke about Florida continuously murdering black children before giving up.

I had the same problem. Last time I cooked with them, I sprayed some Pam on a pan and toasted them ever-so-slightly on both sides. Really did the trick.

Depending on the size of your city's Hispanic population, there might be a Mexican meat market somewhere in the city. They will have those tortillas, as well as some marinated meats that make for incredible fajitas. If they have horizontally-sliced marinated ribs, buy them as well.

Ironically, "And we'll never be Royals" is included in every Scott Boras client's No Trade Clause.

Was there a different title up there before? Because "Why I believe Jameis Winston's Accuser" doesn't seem out of bounds to me. Newspapers often publish editorials where the title is an opinion, and it's understood the opinion belongs to the author, not the paper as a whole. Since every Gawker site is designed to be…

Proposal: All southern/California teams building new stadiums must build domes with snow machines in the roofs. Before each game, there is a random determination about whether or not they're turned on.

It's distressing how many people I know and whose opinions I value said yesterday that snow football sucks.

Hmmm... I am not sure if it will show up on a drug screen, but pee into this cup and we will figure out what to do with you after we replace Guy Fierre's red bull with garlic fiend piss. Also you should check out places like Savory Spice Shop (they are online and have stores) for cheaper and fresher spices.

Let me just clean this up for you:

Ketchup pisses me off. Sure, pass the tomato-colored, high-fructose corn syrup and let me slather it all over every goddamn thing. I have one cousin and one friend that I grew up with who were "Ketchup People". I never fully respected them as a result. They put ketchup EVERYFUCKINGWHERE. I'm getting nauseous just…

No goddammit! I serve hash browns beneath over-easy fried eggs, as nature and God intend, and I serve scrambled eggs on goddamn buttered toast, as nature and God intend, and I never let ketchup within several yards of either configuration, because I am not a goddamn Nazi.

I hope you die in a kitchen fire. Ketchup/catsup and eggs (as well as steak) should never meet.