The Patriots also have: Shots! Shots! Aaron! But that was killed in the night.

Working with 6-8th graders? They deserve 6 months off.

(In the 1962 AFL Championship, the Cowboys' captain accidentally told the officials Dallas wanted to kick, instead of choosing the side of the field. Houston got the ball and the wind at their backs. Dallas won anyway.)

I didn't think I would ever disagree with Burrnaycoh so starchly, but what the hell is this peel the skins bullshit? DO NOT PEEL YOUR POTATOES. Tell your guests to get over whatever weird skin discriminations they hold. The skin is delicious, nutritious, and delicious.

Salt the water you boil the potatoes in. You'll need less at the end and the flavor will be so much better. Also, boil the potatoes whole or in halves. The bigger the chunk of potato, the better the texture will be when mashed.

I am commemorating Mark Sanchez today by browsing Deadspin at work. In other words, by being an unproductive employee that's holding on to my job for too long simply because there are no better options available to my employer

Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a thing whose attempted scramble is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance.

"Even the Home Office doesn't give a shit about the Celtics."

It's okay, Gammo, many of the victims wish they could have a knee-jerk reaction too

Jesus, does anyone anywhere on the face of the earth wallow in perpetual victimhood more than the typical American conservative? "Bloo a hoo hoo the internets said something mean about me, mommy!"

There are way more people saying "Suck it Pats fans!" than there are Pats fans complaining.

Refs screwin' up your chances to win a key game?

Toast the fucking bun! Criminy! You go to all the bother of crafting your artisanal fish filet or beef patty or wombat tenders and then you slap it between two slabs of cold, flavorless white bread? (A hamburger bun is just white bread wearing a sesame seed hat.) That may suit farmers and tradesmen but you're…

Quit patronizing big ketchup. It has no business ruining the flavor of a fish sandwhich, especially if you use a decent piece of fish.

I had a fish taco joke ready just a second ago, then I remembered that fish tacos should never be mocked. Close call, averted.

Woah woah, Cowboy. Let's start with basic punctuation and capitalization, and then we'll move onto the multiple syllable words you can and can't use.

To be fair, had MLB not railroaded the investigation, a Florida jury definitely would've made sure an actual criminal went unpunished.

IronMike: I want you to know that everything is going to be fine...for one of us.

I'm pretty sure that's America in a nutshell, but okay.

List of things that are not an affront to baseball: