Because they would be suspended into the Stone Ages. If you get hit and charge the mound and then everyone runs out and is like YOU WANT SOME, BRO?!, baseball is fine with that. But if you blindside a defenseless pitcher (yes, I know he had it coming, but still), baseball people will be like DURRRR HE BROKE THE…

I've made chili with and without. The beer kind is better. Alcohol solubilizes different tasty-smelling molecules and sends them up into your nose more efficiently to make you happy. Also, if you use something a bit better than PBR you can get some nice dark malty flavours in the background. ALSO: unless you're making…

Far Right Conservatives on Gay Conversion: "You can't dictate what doctors can and can't tell people!"

That's good because I didn't attempt or intend to make that argument.

"That's not true - baseball formally banned steroids in 1991."

"Nothing."

Little ditty about Hud and Speck
Two American Kids growing up in the heartland
Huddy gonna be a football star
Speck expert at putting bodies in the trunk of Huddy's car

I don't understand. What would be his motivation for doing this?

Regardless of race, you force your underage daughter to marry a (likely MUCH) older stranger, you are unquestionably a barbarian.

FINALLY. A real use for the TSA.

Spaghetti sauce from a bottle is the "let's just be friends" of home-cooked meals. She may be damn good in the kitchen, but Richard will never know.

In former Soviet Union, they club you with glee!

Ironically, they actually have that show in Russia.

The best part of all of this? The use of "waterslide" as a verb

The best shot in Sarajevo since Gavrilo Princip.

Hey, Rick, you married a thin-skinned attention whore? I'd say you've got a couple years, max, before one of you murders the other one, so go ahead and let loose.

ok idiots, try this on for size.

You’re not crazy. Men are always at their horniest when they are least able to have sex with another person. Even if they don’t know you’re on your period, they subconsciously sense that you are unavailable to them and therefore MUST HAVE YOU.

A hamburger's not a sandwich. It's a goddamn hamburger.

Reminder to Deadspin/Gawker Media writers: We don't all live in NYC.