Watching Bill Simmons as he ages makes me absolutely terrified of my future.

First off, Hole had some decent tunes. And I guess the Eagles aren't the worstWORST — I'd rather listen to them than, say, Limp Bizkit. But of bands who get a modicum of respectability, I would put them very near the bottom.

I'm around Simmons' age, so it's not that I'm too young too appreciate them. I like many similar groups — Son Volt, Wilco, the Drive-By Truckers, CCR, the Allman Brothers. But I find nothing to the Eagles, there's no THERE there. I listen to a song like "The Long Run" and I think, "why does this resonate so much with…

the Eagles are a serious, artful band for people who like Journey and Styx.

ps I first thought this was about the Philadelphia Eagles, which is a far stranger concept. Simmons completely untethered from sports is scarier, though.

Thailand has the right idea.

Like the Dude, I also hate the fucking Eagles.

Seriously, the Eagles are the worst. How can people like them? I don't get it at all.

Typical eldest child, acting beleaguered and put-upon despite having new everything and years of inexperienced parents to exploit. But don't worry, if we both wait two minutes for our lazy youngest sibling to get it together, he'll find a way to make this all about him anyway.

And the really sad thing about this, given the article is by "Christina Macfarlane and Rachel Wood", is that it's gonna reinforce some gender stereotypes about women and cars...

That was kind of my feeling, too. You wouldn't want LeBron there, but you might let an end of the bench guy serve in the offseason.

corn pops always tore the hell out of the roof of my mouth. once they got soggy, though...amazing.

One person gets an elbow on the front of the armrest, and the other gets an elbow at the back. That's how it works. I feel like this arrangement often happens in an unspoken, almost instinctive manner. Somehow, your elbows figure it out together without consulting you. Anyone who demands the whole armrest for…

Ohter than the fact that I don't like the "Fruity" cereals, that's a tough list to argue with. Reese's Puffs, Rice Krispies Treats Cereal, Golden Crisp, and Count Chocula deserve consideration. Basically, cereal is the best genre of food ever.

So I want to get your book on audio, but I am worried that, like some other authors, you are going to have a fucked up voice or some horrible speech impediment that will completely ruin your facade of respectability and character. Who would you say is your voice doppleganger? Some examples: Bill Simmons sounds like…

You know, this is nice. I tried having a relationship like this with a coworker. He was all like "What's up, cracker?" and I was like "Not much, N*****". With a slowly-dawning horror I remembered that my god-given name is Anthony Saltine. Plus this guy was Jewish.

These kinds of slurs are absolutely unacceptable, regardless of whether they're used in private or in public.

This isn't that uncommon— I hear that Mark Sanchez playfully calls some of his black teammates "n——-r," and they call him "terrible."

It was actually 200 games for centaur portraits.

The reaction from the anti-PED players is fucking shameful. You're in a union? The boss is going after your union brother? You support your brother.