bologna and “American” “cheese” sandwiches

The amount of things I put mayonnaise on alarms even me; and when I make my own, I absolutely lick the bowl until there’s not a speck left (I use probably twice the lemon/mustard/garlic that a jar brand would have); but eating the shit straight is fundamentally wrong.

*Van Halen

...my second kid, the pacifier gets the dust brushed off it with my bare hands and given right back.

That guy was entirely too harsh on figs tbh

I’m the same way re: chocolate. I’d rather have white chocolate than milk, and rather have dark chocolate than both.  Will have to try this thing with the creme eggs.

I tried that a few times and it was just way more trouble than it was worth. Giving up (non-sugar-frosted) cereal was less of a hassle.

Ferrero Rochers are the candy equivalent of ortolan. It’s best to shield your face from man and God and devour the whole thing in one single iniquitously decadent bite.

Oh, damn, you had me until cheez-whiz.

I must try this.  It’s how I eat Benedict, more or less, but never thought of doing it with just the egg.

I literally thought I didn’t like bacon when I was a kid because my parents like theirs burnt. Slept over at a buddy’s house in 7th grade and he decided he wanted some for breakfast, limp as a dead jellyfish, and I could barely believe this heavenly manna was the same stuff. You people are the worst.

When I was in like middle school, I’d take string cheese, unwrap it and put it on a plate and microwave it for like 20 seconds, pour garlic powder on it, nuke it for another ~10 sec, wait for it to cool, and then roll it up and eat it.

how to eat corn. I always ate end to end and then rotated. Others rotate while working down the line.

You’re goddamn right it’s optimal. Eating the crust first is deranged, and eating all of the flat then all of the crust is sad and leaves you with a feeling like “Hmm, I had a wonderful entree and then a piece of bread.”

I’m down with the legs.  Rest of the shell, not so much.  But even the legs gets me looks of horror from the rest of the table.

The legs are the most intensely flavored part of the shrimp (especially if you marinated them first), though the rest of the shell/tail is a bridge too far for me (except the tempura at a sushi place makes the tails super crunchy and delicious).

COTD

...is listed on Page 34 of this book, right between chimaeras and unicorns.

It’s a sad day when people throw around the term “architect’s car” and the name “Saab” is nowhere to be found. Yes, I know they’re long dead, but frankly if I’m hiring an architect and they were to show up in anything else, I’d have have a hard time shaking the feeling that their buildings are shit. My man should get…