At it’s highest appraisal, this piece of American history has been deemed to be less valuable than a photograph of a potato.

I really miss Dr. Z. Once he answered one of the questions I sent in in his mailbag and it was the highlight of my 15 year old life. You’re the best Z!

American tobacco companies should really try to get into the Chinese market. You’re smoking a pack a day just by being there anyways, why not make it two and not taste burning laptops the whole time?

“In Soviet Russia, our walls fall too!”

The snarky know-it-all writer response is coming. Wait my son...

Sam, its not the snowstorm. They just realized they have to depend on you for their formative years

I miss Dennis. NYC-centric snark sucks in replacement of actual news.

“Top tier team” also “relegation threatened European club”. Give us the narrative cleanly. I realize both of those statements are technically true, but you’re saying that Morris should aspire to be the best of the worst, when in the USA he can be the best of the mediocre.

It’s you!

Dr. Mudd lives again!

In 8th grade, “Mark the Shark” deejayed my middle school dance. I got boner against the girl I was dancing with and she said “what are you doing??”. I fled and ate Fritos with the chess club and played poker for the rest of the night.

Nah, fuck refs.

Is an alternate solution of having the team in town until the stadium bonds are paid off feasible?

Why the HELL would you want to advertise the fact that Texans players dined at your restaurant right before shitting over the field? “Sullivan’s! Eat here and Alex Smith will kick your ass!”.

I wish my firmino didn’t have so much curve to it.

Still trying to figure out how your kid almost got his dick cut off on a toilet seat. Was it a toilet seat from the Hellraiser universe?

Oh. Cancer in the locker room. Ha. Ha ha ha. Ha.

Is there a joke in here and if there is, is it funny?

I’m taller than Messi and I was the shortest kid in my class in high school.

He was just Rolling him.