Now kiss.

Shut up King Kunt.

These were pretty good except for the poltergeist one, that one sounded like a novelization of Paranormal Activity.

You failed.

Yeah, he shouldn’t be so Flippant with his remarks.

I believe firmly that by the time my bad habits catch up with me, technology will have advanced enough to nullify the consequences.

You know when someone’s trying to tell you about a weird dream they had and they go into way too much detail and you just don’t give a shit?

Fuck death.

Thanks Internet Police.

Very sad but not the epidemic many think it is. Almost twice as many people have died taking selfies this year.

It looks exactly like the new Star Trek movies.

Anyone feel like making a list of notable quarterbacks that have come and gone in Dan Orlovsky’s ten (!) years in the NFL?

Easy fix to this, just date orphans.

That movie was fucking stupid. Indiana didn’t even kill anyone. When Shia LeBeouf is the best part of your movie, you done goofed.

Well, that stinks.

If you’re bragging about not getting into any accidents for six months, you’re probably not a very good driver.

24/7 covers everything. You don’t really have to mention 365.

You should switch out the Simpsons quotes for something else if you’re running dry.

If The Departed and The Town hadn’t set the bar so high, would you like this movie more or would it still have an undercurrent of “meh”? I can’t get as excited for this one as I was for either of the other two, it doesn’t feel genuine.

Maybe over a season or two.