Facel Vega. A brilliant but flawed car? Check. One that tries to be too many things at once (fast cruiser, hardtop and stylish limousine)? Check. When the going gets tough, does it bend and open its doors in a display of surrender? Double check. Did it kill Albert Camus while leaving that Sartre bore alive? Check…

At last Renault equals Peugeot in the Quest for the Worst Gearbox.

It's a Córdoba Vario (the plain Córdoba being the "notchback" Ibiza).

#4 is not in China, but Spain. The amount of SEATs and the model of plastic litter containers are as Spanish as paella.

No Bristol!? Outrageous! Those cars are more British than judges in silly wigs or offal pies.

The Bristol. Any of them, but the Blenheim is a serious contender. Their origin is war-looted BMW technology (just as the English are a mixture of émigré Saxons, other German tribes, Celts and Romans, with a dash of Normans and the recent immigration for good measure). It is built in a shed (well, a hangar) whose…

I still wonder what's it good for.

A dashboard light intensity regulator, like the one in the original Renault Clio.

Get on some slippery surface with an old-school FWD car. Now, a CONTROLLED front wheel drift, that's another matter entirely...

Dry Finnish wit at its matter-of-factly best.

Good enough for the biggest meth cook in the Southwest is good enough for me.

The blandest, most inconspicuous vehicle possible depending on the mission. For example, if I have to get into the Pentagon, some beigemobile. If I have to infiltrate any oil sheikhdom, a white Range Rover Vogue or similar luxury SUV. If I have to infiltrate the Russians, a black Mercedes G55. And if I have to…

Miuccia, you're doing it WRONG.

Which in practice means that it will be awesomely difficult to clean and that the next-gen iCar will make the old one seem a horse-cart.

Of course. It never rains in Southern California, so why would we need windscreen wipers?

Boring, expensive and the douche's choice?

But it would have no exposed door hinges (or door handles for that matter), you would only be able to buy it in a limited door palette (jet black and glistening white), and God forbid any gorram heretic like John Cooper from spoiling its just-out-of-factory perfection.

It does look too much like conventional Renaults because it was the car/van/aberration that introduced Renault's styling for the mid-2000s.

It's the other way around: the Neue Klasse came up before the Datsun 510. Both of them are excellent answers, though.

Alpine is one of the few reasons why France still deserves to exist as an independent country. Barely.