If only! They OF COURSE mentioned Michael Phelps.

I was trying to watch the rest of the women’s gymnastics, but every time I turned to NBC it was people standing around a swimming pool or a semi-final event, which I could care less about. Maybe 2 actual medal events. I finally fell asleep. Some of us get up at 4 am and just can’t stay up to all hours.

In 5 years Trump will claim he never, ever ran for President. Because, “if I ran for president, I would win.”

Every one of those guys looks creepy as fuck. What kind of idiot would sell a gun to one of these bastards?

‘The Second Amendment Didn’t Kill Anybody’

Fucking bicyclists think they own the damn road. I actually enjoyed this one.

Thank you for this! Really. Good work, glad someone reached out to them.

SCHOOLIE MCSCHOOLFACE FOR THE WIN

She’s raising money for down-ticket Democrats. What’s obscene is some old crank railing on about “revolution” and doing jack shit to deliver a Congress to actually get anything done. He’s got no plan, just a list of complaints. I’m over him.

I see all these old white men with their homophobia and racism and misogyny and everything else and I just keep reminding myself that they’re all gonna be dead soon.

Has anyone said “NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO PLAY THE BLAME GAME” yet?

Anyone who has spent any time at all around the evangelical Christian movement knows that this whole “willing to die” thing is very much ingrained in the culture. It’s part of the Great Christian Persecution Complex. They routinely lift up people like Cassie Bernall or, more recently, latch on to rumors like the…

Do y’all think she noticed that God sent a blizzard to D.C. on the day of their big “March for Life”?

Jesus, I saw this on the internet yesterday and thought it was a fucking joke.

This is why I’m glad I’m self-employed. I mean sure, it can be lonely and isolating, but then again, I don’t have to deal with this bullshit.

MICK JAGGER, Y’ALL. We all know Keith Richards is an embalmed corpse and will live forever.

Any pastor writing a book called Fidelity: How to Be a One-Woman Man is banging everything he can get his hands on. Guarantee it.

Meet Joshua Feuerstein, the “ex-pastor” who ginned this whole fauxtrage up in the first place. A real piece of work. Only thing he’s pastor of is his own ego, and possibly his gun collection.

Tabloids only write about women if we’re dumped, engaged or pregnant. So fucking sexist.

Tangentially restaurant related: I used to be a music writer and many times I was assigned stories on CCM artists. I’m in Nashville and CCM and country used to be the only kinds of music around here that you could earn a living writing about. I had several performers tell me about how oppressed Christians were in the…