Yes, take off the Rose-colored glasses.

With the brunette wig she's kinda hot, at least a still picture. IRL, I bet, DAT UNCANNY VALLEY. *shudder*

Yes, those that disagree with us should die, or better yet never have existed.

Being all hunched over and shit - Fetal Position.

Guttmacher Institute. Pretty well respected. Here's a breakdown.

I don't know why this should be shocking. EGranted one truly believes in life at conception, then it is a little similar. Fifty million people killed in the last forty years or so.

I should've mentioned the list only has women I want to have sex with. So maybe 35? (It's not a real list.)

I don't have a backup wife, but I have an extensive list of other women who don't want to have sex with me.

It's booze and vaccines. Their version of a dirty martini is vodka, a dash of vermouth, and a splash of measles/mumps/rubella.

No need to pull out, she's already pregnant.

I wanted me and my six year old son to be Baseball Furies (from The Warriors) but he wants to be a ninja. Oh well.

With you. It's not spaghetti sauce.

So...you're here for the minor league coverage?

THIS IS GOOD. Really this is a wonderful story. This awfulness is <<< divorce level shitstorm.

I don't like milkshakes. Does anybody want this milkshake?

looks more like a dessert than a beverage.

Every time I stick my penis in a donut.

Keurig is making machines now that will only brew with their cups. There's a special proprietary ink on the lid that the machine recognizes. No other brands. No putting coffee in your own filter cup. What a bunch of assholes.

One of my favorite Simpsons' quotes, baseball related, but from a different episode: