How can you be cynical about the Olympics? What could be more thrilling than finding out what country is the best at exercising?

This column is for theories, not facts.

“Sports” that require judges are not sports.

Also, Giambi was safe:

I believe Derek Jeter’s running catch and leap into the stands vs the Red Sox was totally overrated and not that great

Fun fact about the Deadspin staff: It is a colonial organism made up of many super super small things called morons.

The Tennessee Titans are the team most likely to be forgotten for one of those “Name all 32 NFL teams in 5 minutes” bar bets.

Kids don’t like Europe. Kids like rollercoasters. Send them to Disney with a babysitter and you can go compare Whole Foods lines in different European metropolises. Snore.

Pssst, there’s a legitimately great tequila bar in the Mexico showcase...

Well he don’t know talkin’ good like me and you, so his vocabulistics is limited to “I” and “am” and “Groot,” exclusively in that order.

I’m rather excited to watch the worlds best athletes avoiding turds and gunfire for a silly medal.

You had me up til the last sentence. That just made you seem like an insufferable tool.

+1 Victor Zambrano

At least 18 years, from my experience.

this story was supposed to end with you getting your ass kicked by a skinny dude. what the hell, man?

The first memory I have of drinking a beer was sharing a can of Busch Light with my grandfather after he came home from his job at the local DuPont factory. I was maybe 7 or 8 (I grew up in Appalachia, so this was pretty SOP as he also made his own strawberry wine and moonshine) and he’d push me in the swing he built…

Worst age for girls in general is the teen years, by far. They're just so angry, ALL. THE. TIME. You could take a teenage girl to Disneyland in her own private jet while she sits on a unicorn and that girl will still be pissed if you are anywhere within 200 yards of her.

Adults who didn’t binge drink never understood the point.

Funny that a family of websites that subtly promotes class warfare (always taking labor’s side, bashing the rich, etc.) and echoing Marxist talking points (systemic/oppressive/partiarchal/corporatist/racist/late-capitalist inequality explains everything!) would giggle at the idea of Communist influences in American…

The mid to late 80's was a fucking wasteland of shitty music as far as rock was concerned. Everyone I knew listened to classic rock because the contemporary stuff was mostly hair-band garbage. There were some exceptions, such as Metalica, the Black Crowes and the Cult. But by far, G'n'R was the best. Sometimes I…