Fun fact about the Deadspin staff: It is a colonial organism made up of many super super small things called morons.

The Tennessee Titans are the team most likely to be forgotten for one of those “Name all 32 NFL teams in 5 minutes” bar bets.

Kids don’t like Europe. Kids like rollercoasters. Send them to Disney with a babysitter and you can go compare Whole Foods lines in different European metropolises. Snore.

Pssst, there’s a legitimately great tequila bar in the Mexico showcase...

You had me up til the last sentence. That just made you seem like an insufferable tool.

+1 Victor Zambrano

At least 18 years, from my experience.

this story was supposed to end with you getting your ass kicked by a skinny dude. what the hell, man?

The first memory I have of drinking a beer was sharing a can of Busch Light with my grandfather after he came home from his job at the local DuPont factory. I was maybe 7 or 8 (I grew up in Appalachia, so this was pretty SOP as he also made his own strawberry wine and moonshine) and he’d push me in the swing he built…

Worst age for girls in general is the teen years, by far. They're just so angry, ALL. THE. TIME. You could take a teenage girl to Disneyland in her own private jet while she sits on a unicorn and that girl will still be pissed if you are anywhere within 200 yards of her.

Adults who didn’t binge drink never understood the point.

College Sports are gross. I hate the culture behind it and I’d rather watch professionals.

Funny that a family of websites that subtly promotes class warfare (always taking labor’s side, bashing the rich, etc.) and echoing Marxist talking points (systemic/oppressive/partiarchal/corporatist/racist/late-capitalist inequality explains everything!) would giggle at the idea of Communist influences in American…

To Nick, the DJ at the front desk: late 50's bop jazz. Get these, put them on a loop, repeat ad infinitum, and enjoy your life.

On greetings:

I’m not sure if this is an east coast thing, but why the hell are you all asking people how they’re doing?

Just say “Hello/Hi/Good Morning” or whatever. Simplify that shit. I don't need to hear you lie about how "good" you're doing. Your job sucks, Jim from accounting. We both know it. You're not "good"…

What I want to know is why not a single one of these grown-ass men who witnessed what Sandusky was doing didn’t physically intervene when they saw him attacking a child. All of them can burn in hell.

There is something off about people that are into College Football and Basketball. I don’t know how people can be into such an exploitative and inferior product.

Normally I’m joking when I use this turn of phrase, but seriously: every adult playing this game is bad and should feel bad.

Okay, look here; if you’re into the same kind of thing as my ten year old daughter (yes, Pokemon, or however the hell you spell it), that’s your business. Just know that I’m judging you for it.

The mid to late 80's was a fucking wasteland of shitty music as far as rock was concerned. Everyone I knew listened to classic rock because the contemporary stuff was mostly hair-band garbage. There were some exceptions, such as Metalica, the Black Crowes and the Cult. But by far, G'n'R was the best. Sometimes I…