One time I was cutting up (cooked) steak for chili, and my 5-year-old daughter kept running in and stealing chunks. Despite it being hilarious, I was anxious for her to stop because A). large knife in use and B). little girls don’t need to eat that much semi-raw steak. The last time she ran in, stuffed a bunch in her…

I got ejected from an intramural basketball game while drunk. I went to the bar for a couple of hours and had a nice stew going when one of my housemates grabs me and says “C’mon, we have a game!”. We were all pretty terrible, and played in the C division. Our opponents that day were a bunch of professors and other…

I did that with soy sauce. My wife acted like I cashed out my 401K and gave it to hobos.

Forget that people think Eli should be in the Hall of Fame; I am vexed that some Giants fans consider him the best Giant QB ever. Phil Simms may be the goofball announcer you love to hate, but with some better luck he could have been one of the greats of all time, and he’s a lot better than Eli. For starters, if he…

That was what always struck me about McQueary. He went home and cried to his Daddy about it. How about beating the shit out of a man more than twice your age, you pathetic simp?

Green Beret Charles Martland took it upon himself to beat the shit out of an Afghani police commander for keeping boys as sex slaves. He is being involuntarily discharged from the Army and is under a gag order. Can we start melting down the Obama statues?

That McQueery guy was the one that got me. He walked into the locker room, saw Sandusky raping a kid in the shower,and just tiptoed out and (maybe) told his Dad about it later? What the fuck? How about picking up a helmet and busting Sandusky’s head open?! Or at least stopping it and telling Sandusky “You’re done. I’m…

When Gil Hodges died. (I am old.) Both my Mom’s and Dad’s entire families were Dodger fans that became Met fans. It was like a family member passed away, the shock and sadness.

It’s hilarious and kind of embarrassing that hacks continue to refer to MSG as the “Mecca of Basketball”. 43 years and counting since the last NBA title for the home team - a team with 1 playoff series victory in 15 years. And NYC college hoops is a farce. St. John’s has been irrelevant for decades and no other teams…

First HR was impressive but I am not buying that it was hit further than Cespedes’ third-decker the other night.

SNY video but Marlin announcers.

Or an Eric Garner memorial service.

There’s a lot of ambiguity in the press and I’m too lazy to go find the official police report/court papers, but I think “beating the shit out of his wife” is a bit of a stretch. Most accounts say he “shoved” her. Oh my God, brick him up inside a wall and starve him to death! Shoving!!

Problem is, the 10MM NYC residents are largely disarmed and ripe for an easy takeover. Thanks, librahls.

“What do you think would happen if I grab a case of beer, toss a twenty dollar bill at one of the cashiers, and walk out?”

“the Mets, who are run by a family that profited off of the single largest pyramid scheme in history.”

Soooo... you’re giving up on the NBA because you’re tired of player movement, and replacing it with a sport where the best players show up, play one season, and then leave to make money.

Cub fans deserve all the mockery they get and then some. They are Yankee fans without portfolio. They are obnoxious visitors and worse hosts. I went to a Mets/Cubs game at Wrigley in 2003 to see a notoriously bad Mets club get hammered, and gleeful Cub idiots were in my face all the way out of the park yelling “Haaaa!…

It’s because that 86 team was exciting, crazy, at times hilarious, and was involved in two of the greatest postseason series in sports history.

That pee is the best reason to eat asparagus. It always cracks me up, especially in a public toilet area.