“What about the Knicks?”

Remember about 10 years ago when there couldn’t be a single awards show, holiday special, or any music-related TV program without No Doubt appearing? (Or occasionally just Gwen Stefani.) It was like they had naked pictures of every single network exec or something.

My daughter is 20 and the only TV I can recall her sitting down to watch in the past 5 years is when she binge-watched Breaking Bad with her BF. She watches weird shit like Russian prison documentaries and animal programs on Netflix. But it’s mostly internet all day, with the messaging and the Twitter and FB and…

Who the hell orders strawberry if chocolate is available?

My prep is laying out newspaper (yes I am old) as if there was a non-house-trained dog on premises. Open up a broadsheet and you have a mighty canvas on which to paint your Jackson Pollack masterpiece.

“However, your biggest rival may not see you as their biggest rival.”

I’ve pounded on doors three times in my neighborhood, all for the same thing: barking dog late at night. People who leave their dogs outside deserve ass cancer.

Unfortunately I don’t think we can get a brass knuckle-type device shipped into NYC. I’ve been on the lookout at flea markets and the like, no luck yet.

My wife works in the financial office of a city college, and the sense of entitlement among the students is staggering. Kids can screw up forms, filing dates, payments, basic information, and they lose their shit if she doesn’t cater to them. If she refuses to break laws about confidentiality (not rules - laws) like…

I never realized how bad that shit is until my daughter got into her late teens and started commuting into school in Manhattan. Every day these pathetic losers hassle her. Ugly old fat men, literal fucking bums begging for change, shitheads who barely speak English cornering her and babbling about “Ay mami”. Even…

So the Chargers punted on Brees, Vick and Eli, and still managed to land Philip Rivers. That thumping sound you hear is Jets fans banging their thick heads against the wall.

I left out the best part of the story: small school and social circle, news travels fast. That night at the bar I was feeling a bit sorry for myself and a bunch my female friends were comforting me, and apparently a rare view of myself as a vulnerable human and not just a soulless, drunken monster appealed to a couple…

In college I dated a girl who was a classmate’s friend from back home for about 18 months. I really liked her, but wasn’t sure about our future. She resolved it for me with the nicest, most tactful breakup ever. She drove up from her home 1-1/2 hours away on a weekday, and laid out the reasons we should stop seeing…

Those are the lucky ones, who use their talents to “make the logo a little bigger”. Just as many don’t even get into their field. And most that do are replaced by someone fresh out of college in 20 years. My LinkedIn contact list is a depressing roster of middle-aged folks free-lancing, “available”, or “Looking…

As I was finishing high school in the mid-80s, Dad was pushing hard for me to do ROTC and go into the military. “You get to go to college for free, and then you just have to serve a couple of years. It’ll be easy - there’s no wars anymore.” I was a rebellious drunkard with a mullet, and ignored his advice. Couple…

If the job was fun, they wouldn’t have to pay you to do it. It’s called a hobby.

No one is taking a date here if they haven’t already completed the coitus with them, because seeing someone naked for the first time in this environment is ludicrous. So now you’re taking your GF to a nude restaurant and desperately trying not to look too much at the other naked people, because that will start a…

“Was in a kind of dull relationship ...my GF at the time and I had engaged in threesomes...”

I only had one friend who was in a rent-stabilized/controlled building. His landlord was desperate to get him out, I think he eventually got like $40K to leave.

I know some guys who formed an investment group and bought houses in a college town to rent to students. The key is to get their parents’ home phone numbers. When kids are graduating and don’t want to pay for all the damage, they would call the parents and advise them that their son (yeah, it’s almost always boys) is…