You know who is “bothered”? People who make their living off nonsense like this, selling sensitivity training and getting jobs as “Director of Tolerance and Inclusivity” and other SJW sinecures.

“In past years, Jezebel has used the end of March to debate the big issues of our time: whether pie is better than cake, whether sex is better than chocolate, whether drugs are better than alcohol.”

I can deal with toothbrushing at work, but there’s a weirdo in my office who flosses every afternoon at one of the sinks in the men’s room.

You beat me - I answered their knock wearing my wife’s panties on her dare. I almost threw up laughing so hard when one of them fell off the stoop trying to get away.

Get the meal plan. You’ve already laid out all the $$, what’s another couple hundred bucks? And then you don’t even care when the kids want more food, or snacks - it’s already paid for, and it’s an effort for normal people to eat the full amount they are allotted over a week.

There is a very limited window for drinking while you are supervising your kids. You can’t swill when your two-year-old is frolicking in the park, or peeing in your neighbor’s pool. You have to be on alert until they’re relatively self-sufficient and not subject to dashing their head apart on a swing or getting in a…

To be honest, I don’t consider golf a sport. It’s a game of skill, like darts or billiards or some shit. Oh, some 48-year-old in a sweater is an “athlete”? So’s the guy who’s dominating the prize-claw machine in the back of Chuck E. Cheese.

I am not the type of man who compares a basketball tournament featuring players I’ve never heard of to receiving oral sex, I’ll you you what.

And let’s not forget those fun labor policies. Billions and billions are made on the labor of primarily low-income and minority youth, even their very likenesses, but if these kids get so much as a free hamburger somewhere they might lose their scholarship. And just what kind of education are top-tier team members…

I wasn’t even sure he is still alive. Just using him to illustrate a point.

March Madness! Teenagers missing 12-foot jumpers and blowing layups, while Dick Vitale screams at you! The single shittiest, most overrated event in sports.

Remember 15 years ago (oy, so old) when Yankee fans started the rumor that Mike Piazza was gay? I was kind of hoping it was true, because the guy was the second-most beloved athlete in New York City (behind Yeah Jeet) and I think it would have gone a long way to acceptance in the league and among fans.

I would wager at least 90% of the most vigorous homophobes are just disturbed by the tingling sensation they get when they watch Will and Grace reruns or, I dunno, hear Adam Lambert.

I know you’re being facetious, but the thing is... it isn’t in the damn bible!

I predict a Final Four of Brodarious Hamm, Scholastique Koolimo, Taco Pope, and Mighty Fine.

Nobody goes to a stadium to watch football. At home you have a perfect view, multiple replays, rewind and fast-froward at will, dopey analysts... it’s a much better experience. People go to the stadium to drink themselves into a coma, scream, fight, make multiple trips to the bathroom and food court, and generally act…

If pitchers want to be the enforcers of the baseball code and plunk everyone who displeases them, then they need to be men and face the repercussions of their decision. By which I mean, this is yet another reason to get rid of the abhorrent DH. I don’t understand why no one ever put Bob Gibson in the hospital.

What was wrong with “clown question”? The reporter was being an asshole, and instead of calling him such Harper let him know it without as much profanity or disrespect.

So you voluntarily waste your own time so as not to inconvenience others? OK, Mother Teresa.

That is the Social Compact. You judge silently. Anyone who has what to say is an asshole.