Your family secretly hates you. They send you cards on your birthday, sure, but they are so disappointed in your life choices.

Anyone over the Yankees. Kim Davis’ family softball team. The cast of The View. Fucking Isis. Anything is preferable to their awful fans being happy.

But this would be so much fun!

The point is not to humiliate

We were the calmest, least demanding couple for our wedding, with one exception. I told the band that if they played the chicken dance they should not expect to be paid. They laughed until they saw I was serious, then pleaded that “everyone loves it!” I reiterated that I would not pay them. I capitulated on “Hot Hot…

Hair dryer (on Cold setting) to the nether regions is a great finish. It also cracks my wife up every time she sees it.

People who DON’T do that are the crazy ones.

Not at all. I think the actor has spent some quality time with every iteration of TV/Movie Joker and is having a blast picking and choosing from among all his predecessors’ work. He is the high point of this show for me now, even better than Penguin.

I didn’t get a Heath Ledger vibe so much as Jack, with a splash of Caesar Romero.

Somebody on another story comment said that if you have one of them fancy surround-sound systems, the center channel carries all the broadcasters; so if you turn it off/unplug it/whatever you get nothing but field sounds and crowd noise. It’s almost making my consider that investment.

It actually said Bread Soda on the label. As best I can guess it was supposed to be pumpernickel-flavored.

My wife and daughter have refused to eat pork of any kind since they saw the video of that asshole in the plant kicking pigs, and of them generally being mistreated. I wish I had the willpower to join them (they also refuse beef on same grounds; daughter eschews chicken as well but the wife agrees with me that…

Bread Soda is the name of a restaurant? I bought a bottle of Bread Soda in a Key Food in a Russian/Eastern European neighborhood in Brooklyn once. Served it to the family as a lark on Thanksgiving. It was comically awful.

I’m not 100% sure where I stand on the whole trans bathroom issue, but I think all smart-thinking people can agree that swimming is no more a sport than are bicycle riding or tubing down a river. They are children’s recreations. Topics for a 5th grade “Things I did this summer”, not olympic-worthy endeavors.

You didn’t miss any quality TV.

Oh, I didn’t mean it in that way. I loved BB too.

Ya know what show needed a finite end? The Following. Set aside how idiotic it was, how many jarring plot holes existed, how ridiculous the characters’ decisions were. It could have been a neat, self-contained 1-and-done about a cult of serial killers. Even the second season, while absurd at times, would have worked…

POI Season is The Punisher with Frank wearing a suit instead of white go-go boots.

Brimstone! I thought I was the only person who watched it! That show could have been great.

I disagree, only because the lead’s daughter was the most ridiculously, luminously beautiful person on TV in years. Why isn’t she a huge star here?