Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise a kid. In fact, it’s cold as hell.

Which is weird, otherwise it seems like a well-organized country. (I’ve been there once for four days and am therefore an expert.)

Ken Starr was to Hillary in the 90s what Gawker is to Hillary in 2016.

I’ve been an umpire, and it was absolutely the worst job ever. Your Wednesday evening beer league is not game 7 of the World Series, guys.

It’s strange that you continue to lean on that Qatar World Cup canard when even the organization that originally made the claim has retracted it:

The irony is that to the “play the game the right way” crowd, the bat flip is still the worst of any of those events.

Finally picked up Witcher 3 today on sale. Told my wife to block out 200 hours in the next 2 months to spend with her friends.

I guess we’re all just going to sit here and pretend that she’s not a horrible actress.

Don’t sneeze.

When someone gives you the option to get out of there or get in a gunfight, get out of there.

GDFL must pay pretty well if he’s driving around in a Hummer. (rolls eyes)

Opening Day is, like, one of the top 3 days of the year. I hope this guy’s vote got suppressed.

Does Chuck even like ‘Nova or was he just trolling Kenny?

When the ball goes through the net as the buzzer sounds, do the refs really have to blow their whistles madly and review it?

Kerry Washington, shown making the one face she knows how to make.

I had a state policeman neighbor who trained his chihuahua (which, inevitably, was named Tiny) to sniff out weed. The humiliation was probably worse than the legal punishment.

Well the guy on the right is the singer from the New Radicals, so it’s no wonder no one recognized him.

This wouldn’t have happened if they played in King Bedouin Stadium.

(clapping gif) that was brilliant