And witches,/warlocks, werewolves, fairies, spiritual mediums, changelings...

Magical. Not suicidal.

In response to your critique of Beasts of the Southern Wild:

Agreed. 

Like I said, it was weird.  Multiple mechanics looked at it and all declared that there were no issues they could see that would cause the car to jump over a lane or two without yanking on the steering wheel.  

My girlfriend in high school had an old CJ-7 that was possessed.  No, not by the repo man, but by poltergeist.  Fun to drive off-road, decent power (for an old jeep), big enough all-terrains to get you through mud, etc.  But once every few days, the car decided it hated us to the point that it was willing to sacrifice…

The emblem looks drunk. 

Meh...  I'd stick to the Hemi mated to an 8 speed (2014). 

Automatics creeping forward after you release the brake bothers you, but an 11 year old driving a car doesn't?!

I feel for you. I had a roommate like that in college. Thank God he showed his crazy side by the end of the first semester. I was able to move to another room w/ someone else fairly quickly.

Yeah, that's what I thought. Pretty much everything but the Cadillac will cost you a king's ransom to get work done.

Beat me to it. Damnit.

Listen up, you automotive company rat bastards (especially you cocksuckers at GM). This old ass car had a 1.8L four banger that made 600 HP. If the CTS I buy this coming December doesn't have AT LEAST 1,000 HP with the 3.6TT engine (be happy I'm not demanding 1,200 HP) I am driving up to Detroit with my flack…

I caught that too.

Raging hormones of a 16 year old male in gym class + rubbing of the crotchal (yes I know that's not a word) region = 3/4 wood.

I'm not really a recovering alcoholic. I just play one on the Internet. LOL

Don't care for the back end much, but the front end makes me feel like I just climbed rope in gym class.

Look at the front end again... It'll wake you up.

You glorious bastards. I've been waiting for this moment for over a year. My future car. My wonderfully beautiful, twin-turbocharged future car.

Yes yes, the errant "is" made it in there. Sorry.