Unless, of course, someone at the party was the editor-in-chief of Whale Penis Quarterly.

It’s a Dartz Kombat.

Latvian is totally different, too, maybe a bit bigger of an engine, with a worse battery.

I’ve asked to have a tiny amount of my former self (like just a teaspoon of my ashes) put on a scale model wooden boat and burned as a sort of viking funeral.

You must not be familiar with how life expectancy works. When the World Bank releases their annual life expectancy statistics, they are for a child born in that year. In other words; female children born today in the U.S. are expected to live on the average of about 81.6 years, males about 76.9, and a combined number…

Good to see Steve Bartman commenting here on Deadspin.

I would actually have a first-born child just to sell them for this car.

Because it’s so light, it tips the scales at about 1,940 lbs

Another one I would toss out there (that I know you’ve discussed before): Get a flight if you aren’t sure what you want.

No, it unfortunately doesn’t make perfect sense.

Never have, likely never will. The high school I graduated from is about 3,000 miles away, we had a graduating class of 105 students, and the ones I’ve cared about staying in touch with are a simple text or Facebook message away.

“You’re supposed to be Bill Cosby when you’re a junior and senior in high school,” Graham continued...

Really gunning for that moral high ground, huh?

Tums are indeed a magical thing. I always carry a roll with me any time I’m going to go out for adult beverages. If it’s an all-day expedition, I usually bring two rolls, because as soon as my drinking comrades see me pop one or two, they will almost invariably ask for one themselves.

I use PB2 powdered peanut butter. 1 pound for every 5 gallons of beer. Obviously, it rehydrates in the wort, so you'll want to move to a secondary fermenter prior to bottling or kegging. Otherwise, it will gum up your lines.

“This answer is the correct answer. I mean....quack.”

Justified firing? As much as I hate to say it, yeah I think so. Sure, they are clearly jokes and there may even be some context that we’re missing. But ultimately, I can see why Disney wouldn’t want this associated with their brand image. I’m not personally offended, but sure, a lot of people clearly would be and have…

The Rugby Sevens World Cup is a short drive for me (San Francisco). I’ve never been to any sort of live rugby match and only have a cursory working knowledge of the sport, enough to know more or less what’s going on, but not enough to play without looking like (more of) an idiot.

Yes. To be clear, only the literacy part is borderline. The shittiness is thorough and all-encompassing.

I’ve honestly never heard that before, but you’ve certainly piqued my interest. To Google!