Goddammit. You people with your "Never Put Ketchup on a Hotdog" zeal have just gone too far now. Enough already.

Can you do something about Jello while you're at it?

I hear sales of Neapolitan ice cream are down something like 19 percent over the last few years. Could be a troubling sign.

Big white dude at the 1:00 mark who goes profile. This forehead he has, it's leering into my soul. And I don't like it.

Man, you don't even have to be gay to leave this story disappointed.

I thought all teams pretty exclusively use practice facilities these days? Is this common that teams practice in their stadiums?

Good for her. It's very unlikely that she had any insurance to pay for the care and treatment of this injury, right? And as someone who spends a lot of time in ice rinks on the east coast, these ice rinks tend to just ooze money. To imagine most ice rinks in this county, imagine you're in a Bowl America or whatever…

If that lady is from Alaska, I'm from Mainland China (Pro tip: I am wide dude from suburbia). Was she just visiting from Texas or Alabama?

I like the little girl who puts the seat back upright to see if that additional obstruction will help. And then at the end the dude puts it back down like "OH there's the problem." Also, who did he call? "Oh hey man, glad I caught you. Do you think my car is too small? No? Me neither. OK, thanks. I gotta go, I'm…

You really need to put your back into it if you're going to stretch a comparison this far. There's a lot to take issue with in what he says. Invoking Donald Sterling here makes little sense to me.

I have his rookie card. Make me an offer.

How much sweet corn gave its life for this debacle? Fuck you Jeter.

Let's try that again. Take deux deux deux.

Yeah, just didn't do it for me. And I was so hopeful too b/c I really liked the first one.

And also with you.

Well, that may be. But to be fair, that's how he played 5 years ago too.

This is great, just like the first one. The only problem is, this one's not at all funny. Other than that, perfect.

Well two questions really. 1. who is the guy ahead of him that is apparently smuggling a half ton of bricks or an upright piano based on his speed? 2. So they murdered his family for this egregious unwritten rules breaking, right? #baseballdoesntsuck

That's what it says, right? Is this like a roommate pillow fight? Sounds filthy.

This is fairly awesome in a "what the fuck is Japan doing now" kind of way. But my Japanese porn rules are a little rusty, especially when we're not talking anime. So, can someone remind me — is the wearing of padded jockstraps on their heads mandatory, or is that just a bonus turn on/sweet fashion statement?