You guys, tomatoes are fucking gross and should not be eaten raw, under any circumstance.

I don’t know, I feel like The Parent Trap remake should be in there somewhere.

Don’t tell this guy that he can’t be both gay and Latino:

I’m not pregnant. I don’t plan on ever becoming pregnant. But I’m pretty sure I get to do whatever the fuck I want and eat whatever the fuck I want.

This sounds INSANE and I know James Franco makes questionable choices but holy shit I AM HERE FOR IT.

UNLESS IT’S THIS LAKER. He went to college in my town is an actual kind, decent man. And he’s dead sexy. Larry Nance Jr!!

I AM SO CONFUSED.

To be fair, Jarlsberg is an EXCELLENT cheese for grilled cheese. I miss it.

I am starring because “I would have tossed myself over the side by day two”.

This is exactly what I was thinking while reading the entire article.

No, you don’t. My best friend has had about a dozen (her kids begged) and they’re filthy and annoying and her yard is covered in shit and like 10 of them have been murdered by random neighborhood creatures. The eggs rock, though.

But, can I continue to

I think this might put him on top of the awful GOP governor list. My friend and I were discussing it today. He said Jindal’s worse. Mine goes:

Ben Feldman was Ginsberg on Mad Men :-)

I thought the headline said “Giant Squid Vibe” and I did not want to see the video and decided I was done with the internet for the day...

Seriously? God, there’s too many assholes out there.

In college, my dumb ass got a DUI. I FINALLY got hold of my boyfriend at the time, from jail, and asked him to go pick up the bail money (MY money...money that I HAD) and bail me out.

He said he couldn’t afford it.

I reiterated that it was MY MONEY, he just needed to bring to the jail to get me the fuck out of there. He…

You went to the Schmemmy’s? Awesome!

Such a wonderful book! I think I want to pick it for my book club.

Right? And people with accents aren’t “real” Americans.

He said “look behind the cash register”. Because fuck them if they’re brown, or if they have an accent, or ESPECIALLY if they’re wearing funny clothes.