I see you've read his book

Thanks!! I'm going to look those up and let my fingers do the shopping.

I read that as "Daddy's gun tastes like penises" and got REALLY confused about how The Simpsons has been doing since I stopped watching.

Tis only a 2nd amendment flesh wound.

"Binge watching is for people who have a fuckton of house cleaning to do and what something to put on in the background." FTFY, science!

Not talking to people and sitting alone watching Netflix are two of the greatest joys in my life. If people were truly meant to converse face to face and have to order food over the phone like cavepeople, we wouldn't have invented the internet. Don't mess with success.

It's time we send these kids a message that if they want to have fun, they better stick to huffing jenkem!

I was nearly blinded by measles as a toddler and very lucky to just wear heavy glasses. I could have lost my feet as well. I was the lucky kid and wasn't born 100 years ago but in the late 70s. People with immune deficiency like HIV, those recovering from cancer or undergoing dialysis (and a host of other…

Ha! Mine should be called "everyone in the pool!" because it's the boringest 'za ever: just cheese. Everyone's all, "Eww! Why?" and then when the pizza comes, they eat mine.

Or we'd get a hideous, bloated monster. No conventional weapons could stop it. It would travel the globe, lecturing people on religion and the constitution, its reasons seemingly at odd with one another. In one hand, a bottle of painkillers. In the other, a prostitute twice its height.

Dear selfish assholes,

GET YOUR FUCKING VACCINES

Love,

Imeldasnarkos, immunocompromised

It's an extremely strategically placed arm. http://jezebel.com/yeah-thats-him…

Wait til you hit Rouge! It's terrible! And kind of fun! But mostly terrible. Kind of funny. I was planning a makeup history (ideally weekly) feature on GT. So there will suddenly be A LOT of beauty stuff. Exciting :)

This is how I have felt about Julia Roberts for YEARS.

I disagree. I think people hate her because she's not a great actress or a stunning beauty and she has been shoved down our collective throat as this hilarious talented gorgeous actress. I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid on that one, and I get really irritated about it.

Oh, they'll mumble and grumble some shit about productivity and public workers taking the American tax dollar for a ride. And all the slack-jawed yokels barely subsisting and unable to take a day off to take their screaming in pain child to the doctor will all nod their heads in agreement to the conservative…

Sometimes I lay awake at night worrying about all the unused bootstraps out there.

He is just one of the fucking best president the US ever had. I am sure he would have done much much more without the resistance of the regressive dumbasses.

Dodai, I can't wait till you get your hands on the Lillian Vernon catalogue.