Did this start as a submission to Ask A Clean Person?

I've only had one girlfriend (out of 5 serious ones) who was really into it. It was awesome. I think the prep work that needs to be done, both by the fucker and the fuckee, can't be stressed enough. In my experience, it was never a spur of the moment thing like when a porn star just says, "I want you to fuck my ass,"…

I like how half this post is still dedicated to cleanliness. You can take the poop-smeared wang out of the Clean Person, but you can't take the Clean Person out of the poop-smeared wang. (Or something.)

"Broaching The Subject"

Tight hole.

No unwanted pregnancies.

Look, a lot of us who hate it have worked in food service. Fucking with people's food is an asshole move. I'm sorry you don't understand that.

American servers are paid a base wage of less than three dollars an hour. While it's not mandatory to tip, it's a real dick move to fail to do so.

In Europe, waiters don't live off of their tips. In America, they do. America does not require a minimum wage for certain service positions specifically because of tips. By paying two dollars for hours worth of work (which that $197 bill represents), the customer was essentially saying that the wait staff did such a…

I was at a chain restaurant recently and had a coupon for a free meal. At the bottom of the check was a chart to suggest tip amounts to tip, But this chain must really hate their wait staff, because the suggested amounts were based on the total *after* the free meal (so basically my soda). No wonder some people get…

I'm a 20% tipper. You'd have to stab me in the face to get that knocked down.

She tips badly at a place you both visit often? Wow, that's brave!

My mother was working in a restaurant when she was 20, and she had previously warned the manager on numerous occasions about serious issues with the smoke hoods, and the air vent. The manager never did anything about it.

Tell me, is it hard to murder bad tippers when you're in the advanced stages of pregnancy? Do you need us to donate to a kickstarter to fund your defense team?

Girl yes! Not the girl throwing the shower.. her friend. Her cheap friend that once screamed across a cheesecake factory for more "free bread"

*plunks down for story time* I GOT SOUR GUMMY WORMS YALL.

"As a palate cleanser for the last two weeks, please enjoy some stories of terrible customers receiving their just rewards."

Should I talk about the time my mother accidentally burnt a restaurant down?

The girl throwing my baby shower informed me this weekend that her friend rarely tips. I know this girl. I immediately saw a red haze over EVERYTHING.

The shitty tippers drive me batty. I know I say that every week. But they drive me fucking batty.