That Mitch Hedberg joke about Pringles starting as a tennis ball factory proved awful prescient.

“On the surface, a donation to a private high school might not seem like the most humanitarian act imaginable, but that same donation might help the school offer a scholarship to a financially needy student.”

Also, Gnash wants to point out that the Phoenix Gorilla needed to be helped off the court that one time whereas Carlton the Polar Bear danced through the crowd on a sprained hind leg for hours.

“Camps? I think he meant centers.” - Sean Spicer

I’ve been keeping a list of who the Trump Administration wants us to hate: Gays, Jews, Catholics, Atheists, Muslims, Abortionists, Secularists, Vaginas, Ovaries, Truth, Justice, Obama, Science, Animals, Clean Air, Clean Water, Cool Temperatures, Dignity, African Americans, First Nations, Cetaceans, Poor folks, South…

No team is going to win a championship when their best player is Drake.

[Tim Tebow hits a home run]

I think we found our “distributor.” Hint: my boss didn’t sell me a starter packet that I needed to buy to start my job. I don’t have to go to a bunch of unpaid meetings and I don’t have to harass friends and family for income. Oh, and if you’re a business owner, tell me how it goes when you sell your business, like…

Your mom didn’t see the literal avalanche of red flags and alert you this might have been a bad idea?

I got a similar pitch once. Luckily I didn’t bite; I think it was just because I’m basically an introvert and the thought of selling is just so bleak to me. The only kind of sales I’d ever do is inbound. I liked working at a store at Disney World, but that’s about it.

No Sir. Corn chips are awesome because they convey the toppings perfectly, and so many different kinds of them at that.

I nearly got caught up in one. Fresh college grad, looking for work, got hooked on “business opportunity”.

Right? I was convinced he’s be a great commander in chief because of his extensive knowledge of best words.*

No, like I seriously have no idea which one is the star.

That not a man, its a chicken boo

WTF, other than hipsters, buys an $89 hoodie?

Nope.

WTF, other than hipsters, buys an $89 hoodie?

Nope.

Spend more. I have a few pairs from budget brands and none are very good despite being rated highly in Amazon.

Spend more. I have a few pairs from budget brands and none are very good despite being rated highly in Amazon.

I bought these first time around. Hated them. Sound quality was terrible, and the cord was certainly too short.

I bought these first time around. Hated them. Sound quality was terrible, and the cord was certainly too short.

I loved running and I miss it. Ran a few marathons. My goal in every run, whether I planned it or not, was to run faster. Just gonna do a ten-mile fun run. Maybe do the first 2 miles fast. That was pretty fast. Wouldn’t want to waste it. Make it a fast 10K and then back off. Man, I’m really moving. Could break my 10…

Aren’t there easier ways to be a masochist?