If Hershey’s just gave the chocolate a living wage, the kisses wouldn’t need tips.

I used to knock my cigarette ashes into a can of Miller Lite if there wasn't an ashtray available. This is pretty much the same thing.

Green ones taste the way palmolive green dish soap smells

Us Brits don’t often get to sample the “delicacies” you Americans cram into your gaping maws every Halloween, so it was a rare...delight to sample candy corn last year.

I used to spring this on my wife when we were out, birthday or not, just because it made her squirm.

If I were to rank “first look at the Doctor” episodes, I’d go:

Do you really want a mission in a Spider-Man game where Peter has to investigate an NYPD officer for killing an unarmed man in the street?

The fact that they toss out around the word “groupthink” so freely while ensconced in a secret, private listserv where they happily jerk each other off about how great they are is pretty much the epitome of the problem.

I don’t understand this country. We swear up and down that we don’t tolerate bullies, liars, and thieves. Yet we want to make glorifying movies about Tonya Harding, Jordan Belfort, Henry Hill, and Anna Sorkin.

. And how healthy can something deep-fried—even a vegetarian version of chicken—actually be? And are vegetarians likely to flock—sorry—to KFC in the first place?

Think of it as being essentially the same thing as a person purchasing an expensive piece of art, and then donating that art to a museum.

“I can afford this thing. Behold how rich I am. I can also afford to give this thing away, without seeking remuneration; behold how magnanimous I am e’en within the trappings of my…

So after a bit of research; it’s a status symbol, a way to give back to the farmers, a really lovely pair of melons.

The only drawback there is six hours I spend at the ER after I drunkenly shove that thing all the way through the palm of my hand.

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

“The shitters are getting bolder” is a phrase I never thought would pass through my mind, yet here we are.

Great article! The South Korean #MeToo movement is fascinating and inspiring, all the way around. It’s been really crazy over there. They’ve only even been a democracy since like 1987 or 1988, so they’re basically entering the modern world at crash landing speeds, which is a lot, I think, of what causes these…

...or a foley artist, or a best boy....

This is a common misconception. Zelda is the scientist. You’re thinking of Zelda’s Monster.

Here's a secret for you, then, the next time you're in NYC. Go down to Canal Street at 2am on Weekday nights. There's a little storefront between two camera stores that only opens its doors after midnight, and the grill isn't really warmed up until it's been open, slinging hash for a couple of hours. You'll recognize…

Oh, sure, they can try. But the New York transplants come out with pitchforks and inevitably shut them down.