You gonna lube that bat up, sailor, or are you goin in dry?

Will you apply it with your tongue?

Good. As a Blackhawks fan, this makes everything better.

I’m going to stick to the old fashion method of buying enough sudafed/allegra D to last through spring, all the while, trying to look like I’m not buying it to use for meth, even though the harder I try not to look like a methhead, the more I end up looking like one.

She lets me do buttstuff. Enjoy the rest of your day, babycakes

Ugh, I don’t even know when I’m trolling anymore. It’s all running together

I CAN DRINK A WHOLE BOTTLE OF VODKA AND STILL BE ABLE TO BARELY PASS COLLEGE CLASSES. THIS ONE TIME, KAREN DRANK THE ENTIRE HANDLE OF RUM AND DIDN’T EVEN DIE

I really shouldn’t be this happy seeing a child cry, but I am.

You’re going in the garage too

They literally will not stop bleeding on everything.

Fuck, I forgot it’s 2016 and I’m supposed to be PC for the sensitive people.

Wait really? I just assumed that all girls are like that and all they do is bake and that they can’t drive and that they ruin all the furniture with their constant bleedings from their baby holes. Are you saying that I have been wrong about everything I’ve known about women for the past 30 years?

It has nothing to do with not liking her friends, it’s the inconvenience of going out drinking with girls. They take longer to get ready, they always want to take picture after picture, they can’t stay out as long. It can be a hassle sometimes.

Increasing my groups of friends increases the amount of date nights I have to go on and decreases the amount of time I have to relax. I respect that you have a different opinion, but you are an enabler and should be locked in a garage.

Look at little Freud over here! Be more of a white knight

Yep, against the ducks. 3 overtimes. I was there and the crowd sobered up and grew irritable. I yelled at a child, it got bad.

No. No no no no no. No.

I have a 9 week old puppy in the early stages of housebreaking, so I am severely lacking sleep as it is. Need all I can get...

It isn’t all about me?...

8:30 starts are horseshit. I don’t know who they think is staying up until 1am to watch hockey on a work night, but it sure as hell isn’t me. The transition from drinking on weeknights in my mid 20s and going to bed at 1030 every night happened out of no where. I want my youth back, I want to live.