I don't trust a man who has never shit his pants at least once

I don't know.....that Norris Trophy would say otherwise.

Damn shame about him being the best defenseman in hockey, otherwise you probably wouldn't see him playing anymore.

If only I could have been there to see all of your faces. Ughhhhhh let me taste your frustrations. Numnumnumnumnumnum

Well, then maybe Sedin shouldn't have taken a run at Keith's head a few moments earlier. Couldn't have happened to a better player and team.

I could have worded my original response better, I guess what I meant to say was that I don't see that headshot as justified, but I don't feel as bad when a player like Backes gets hit like that, because he has been on the giving end of some pretty brutal hits over the years. And I'm surprised that no one on either…

Germany collectively just went.

Kane gets pushed around constantly...And no, the Hawks don't exactly go to bat for anyone, considering they're routinely in the bottom of the league for fighting majors. And once again, did you even read my goddamn original comment? I said there are going to be guys to look out for him, like Gretzky had McSorely and…

What's happenin, sugar tits?

I'm using Patrick Kane as an example of a small skill player who has to deal with being pushed around all the time. Context is such an underrated thing. Any other genius points you'd like to argue?

I could be wrong, but Patrick Kane may have been 17 years old at some point. I'm not a sciencetist though, so don't quote me

There's a lot going on in the Seabrook hit, IMO. He was already squaring up the hit when Backes was turning to make a play on the puck. A dumb play, but I wouldn't say intentionally dirty. And it was his first play that the league has had to bring into question. And it's going to get real chippy between the…

Watch the Seabrook/Backes hit video and you tell me without a doubt that Seabrook meant to hit Backes in the head. Go on, look and tell me that Backes changing directions while trying to make a play on the puck had nothing to do with point of contact. Could it have been avoided? Probably. Was it an intentionally…

Oh no, surely Keith had no reason to go after the head of Sedin after he was hit in the head by him moments earlier. And while the Jeff Carter face slash was going overboard, Carter slashed the gloveless hand of Keith as he was reaching down to pick up his glove, just seconds before Keith clipped him.

Fucker had his .20 cents! What would you do in that situation, let it go? Nah, you beat some cabbie ass.

Alright, do you ever see Patrick Kane fight? No. He's a small guy and is targeted constantly during games, but it's his speed and finesse that allow him to exploit an opponent trying to check or hit him. McDavid isn't big, but he'll be more than likely going to a shit team who have a lot of big guys who will do the…

Please don't compare Daniel Tosh to Dane Cook. There's a difference between taking jokes past the point where they no longer have mass appeal, something Tosh purposely does, and being a huge douche, prancing around the stage yelling "pussy" and making explosion noises.

As an avid fan of stand-up comedy, Tosh isn't that bad... All I'm saying is that when you have the respect of a comedian like Louis C.K., then you're doing something right. And if you're cool with him being bashed for solely making shallow observations about other people's videos, then what the fuck is this site…

My opponent had Andy Dalton, so I blew him up anyway

*looks down at Philly's DST in fantasy league* My precious.....