RIP Jamie Nelson

“So you’re saying there’s a chance...” - Manziel, after hearing the news

Also:

-Vice President of Ultimate Frisbee

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“Right now we’re more concerned about Tre Mason’s well-being than we are his football career. Once the season starts, we can stop worrying about his well-being.”

“I got the best Tebow, this is a real good Tebow.”

The Tim Tebow/Jaden Smith race of 2044 is going to be a real turning point in America.

Pictured: The mental image of a Texans fan

Don’t worry, pardner. Somewhere, out there, there’s a guy takin’ it easy for all of us. Keepin’ that dream alive. A hero. A dude.

Burleson’s claims to have witnessed several pile drivers on the Viking’s Sex Party Boat are much more believable.

I say without hyperbole that this is the greatest thing I have ever seen on the internet.

Someone a little more explosive than Kevin Durant put OKC on the map. I hate myself

This is such a cop-out. He is clearly just doing this to avoid getting punched in the balls by Draymond in next year’s playoffs.

Well that’s going to be good for basketball, in the same way that knowing Bruce Willis is actually dead makes watching the Sixth Sense more enjoyable.

He might not get traded.

This news is especially sad considering early reports that it was all fun and games.

He’s already demanded a trade to the Pirates.

I think Wilbon just learned the names of all these guys 5 minutes before the show started.

Litter and feces? As oppposed to “Defendant was impeccably neat, except for the giant piles of poop throughout the domocile”