If your name is Tom, beware of those RVs...

I lived through the 80s and, if you didn't at least TRY to dress like a castmember of "Jem", you simply weren't worth looking at.

Cecil, is that you? Am I in Night Vale now?

Can we stop perpetrating this silly myth that cutting hair makes it grow back thicker or longer?

NO. NO. You can binge watch all the time. It's NOT SPECIAL.

Here's the thing, have you ever done it?

Can we all agree to start calling her "Melanoma Mom", instead?

UGH YES. I'm mad just thinking about the goddamn escalators. STAND ON THE RIGHT. WALK ON THE LEFT, MOTHERFUCKERS.

The other day I witnessed a mother grabbing her (13 year old?) son by the front of his shirt and saying "don't you EVER do that again" for being snotty to the cashier at a coffee shop.

I'm sorry, is this supposed to be some kind of fucking joke? I'm not going to humor you with a huge long comment explaining the myriad ways lesbians are oppressed in general, explain violence against them, explain corrective rape or bathroom rights or sexualization/fetishization, the distancing straight women do and…

This is a story of how one of the worst days of my life ended up reaffirming my faith in strangers and in the human race in general.

The positive here for me is that there's no way she can accuse me of having ties to Monsanto. I am WAY too poor to have been paid off by them (also, fuck Monsanto for different reasons).

I'm so glad Ferd Berb has made it to Jezebel for me to criticize.

Yup - since the only thing that defines "organic" is the presence of a carbon atom, alcohol is totally organic.

That's right - alcohol is a toxin. It is also a chemical. Specifically, CH3CH2OH.

I love the internet. I really do. It's one of humanity's greatest inventions. Here we all are with nigh immediate access to virtually the entirety of human knowledge, at the push of a couple buttons. Want to know how internal combustion works? Google it. Want to know how to forge aluminum ingots and make stuff out of…

Your own saliva is a chemical.

Every bite of food that passes through our lips, and every glass of water we drink, are potential sources of toxic chemicals, including pesticide residue, preservatives, artificial flavors and colorings, addicting sugars and fats, genetically modified organisms, and more.

In the past, snake-oil salesmen only came through your village once a month. Now we have the internet. We're worse off.

Being a nuttier-than-squirrel-shit lunatic is the path to fame and fortune in modern America.