If anyone can sympathize with someone taking an awkward, inappropriate, and impulsive action without thinking, it's Tim Howard.

Going by today's performance, the ref has no need to fear suffering a similar injury.

In brighter news for the Chiefs, Rokevious Watkins is said to have appealed his suspension to NFL higher-up Revokious Tawkins.

"Zamperini's death moved Drew Magary to write an article without capitalizing an entire sentence."

Q. "Mr. Tendulkar, what is your reaction to the #WhoisMariaSharapova Twitter hashtag?"

It actually wasn't a foul ball. At least not until after it got Budweiser splashed all over it.

Keith Olbermann: [reads article]

In a bizarre turn of events, it was actually Giroux who was yelling "quit resisting."

i heard the camaroon 5 typically plays like they have no idea what pitch they're on

idiot. That was Billy Joel.

Wrong guy, that was Eddie Money.

I really like Jack and Diane, though.

And at the end of that summer, we all went our separate ways. I used to see Tyrese and Johnny in the hallways, but by the close of our freshman year, they were just two more faces in the crowd. I heard that Tyrese got married and has a couple of kids. He drinks a lot these days, and finds work doing odd jobs around…

I have my doubts about the validity of this story; Walsh may be blind but anyone would recognize Mariotti by his overwhelming scent of Drakkar Noir.

If they insist on playing basketball with men, they have to expect that the men are going to treat them no differently. So, sorry ladies, but Carmelo Anthony isn't going to pass you the ball, either.

Excuse me, but I don't think Americans would allow pornography on the internet.

Gilligan: [laughs uncomfortably]

If you were interested in being fair, you'd have included the clarification Kelly gave when they came back from commercial—that he was simply impressed by her breasts, and that he planned to masturbate once the segment was over. A perfectly innocent explanation.

Man, what an inspiring story. I just can't believe Randle made it to the NBA and now gets to play with his idol despite being born with a backwards torso.